Today, at a work function, I noticed that my boss and my girlfriend kept leaving the room at the same time. Fearing the worst, I waited outside in the hallway. As soon as they went into the bathroom, I pushed my way in. Sex? Nope. They were doing lines of coke off the bathroom counter. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend, who is also my boss, was giving me a blowjob at work. Halfway through, his boss knocked on the door and I had to quickly get dressed and slip out the other door. After leaving, I realized that I was still barefoot and I had to walk back to my desk in front of my colleagues. FML
Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend, with whom I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlocked the door to see that the place was a mess. She'd thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML
Today, the girl I like at work surprised me in the otherwise empty break room. She caught me taking part in what might as well have been the Ball-Scratching Olympics. I didn't notice she was behind me until she cleared her throat to get my attention. Shit. FML
Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML
Today, I walked into the ladies' bathroom to find my male boss taking a dump with the stall door wide open. FML
Today, at work, I wanted to scare my best friend, who is also my coworker. Thinking that he was cleaning the women's bathroom, I snuck in and right when I was about to scare him, my store director came out of the stall. FML
Today, thinking that I was alone at work, I started rummaging through my nose, trying to find something interesting. It was only after about a minute that I noticed that my boss was looking straight at me. FML
Today, I was hiding in the toilets at work, catching a quick pee/phone/vape break between patients. Pants down, scrolling my phone, puffing away. Suddenly the stall door opens and my manager is standing in front of me, staring. The stall door latch hadn’t closed properly. Now I can’t look her in the eye. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
They were doing the coke so they could have coked-up sex. You just ****-blocked them this time. Find a lawyer familiar with "alienation of affection." Your inevitable divorce will be a money-loser, so you'll need to hit up your boss to balance that out.
RichardPencil 32
****!! Then why am I paying all those girls not to date them anymore? Are you suggesting that I'm a gullible idiot?
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Comments (6)
Plop 17
Come on, how's that an FML? Your girlfriend wasn't cheating, and there's a chance your boss will like you more for having a girlfriend who's so much cooler than you! All the cool kids do it anyway. (Since some people seem to having reading comprehension problems: this post is not to be taken seriously)
kfchicken 31
it's not about reading comprehension... in case you didn't know sarcasm doesn't translate over text
Plop 17
I'm well aware that sarcasm doesn't translate well. But you'd think that there'd be a point where if you write something that is quite obviously far over the top, most people would understand that it's sarcastic. But you're right, "reading comprehension" wasn't the correct term, or at least not in the usual sense.
Annies 20
Would you rather she be having an affair?
RichardPencil 32
They were doing the coke so they could have coked-up sex. You just ****-blocked them this time. Find a lawyer familiar with "alienation of affection." Your inevitable divorce will be a money-loser, so you'll need to hit up your boss to balance that out.
Plop 17
Well, it's his fault for not suggesting a coked-up threesome. It's almost like OP went out of his way to live his life in the most boring way possible. Also, I believe there is a pun to be made about "coked-up" and "cocked-up", but I'll leave it to you, you've earned it.
RichardPencil 32
****!! Then why am I paying all those girls not to date them anymore? Are you suggesting that I'm a gullible idiot?
mekiswrite 21
Both a better and worse situation at the same time.
alex_jaguara 33
You should have called the cops on them.
core01 30
That's sure to get you a promotion!
arbortardo 2
You probably burst in a little to soon, they were just fueling up for the ride.