Today, I finally reached the age where me just being alive annoys my wife. She asked me during a movie if I “have to breathe like that because it’s so damn annoying.” FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML
Today, while working at my unfulfilling part-time job, my colleague said, "Are you aware of how much you sigh?" And then she said, "You're too young for that." So, am I supposed to hold my breath now? FML
Today, while sitting next to my mom at a restaurant, she told me to stop moving and making so much noise because, "It's distracting." The noise I was making was me breathing. I'm not even allowed to breathe. Guess I'll die. FML
Today, in the middle of one of the worst migraines of the year, I asked my wife if she could kindly stop trying to tell me about the latest neighbourhood gossip at 130 decibels. Cue her loudly nagging in my ear about how I’m mean for not wanting to spend time with her anymore. FML
Today, I can't sit down for a book or some TV without my wife coming up and moaning at me to "get a hobby, get out of the house once in a while, you never do anything anymore." I have a healthy, balanced social life, but maybe I want to relax in my own house for once. FML
Today, according to my wife of 30 years, I'm finally old enough that I look, smell, sound and act like my father. FML
Today, my wife asked for a divorce. Apparently, me being forced to work on her birthday and our anniversary 3 years in a row is the absolute limit she’s willing to put up with. FML
Today, I realized I hate my wife with a fiery passion. I honestly don’t even care. FML
Today, of all the things I have to be self-conscious about (my looks, my weight, my mental health…), I now have to be self-conscious of my breathing, because my brother says it’s “painful to listen to.” FML
Today, I realized my marriage makes me feel like I'm just passing time until death. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
Couples therapy and communication? I hope that helps
RichardPencil 32
Get a CPAP machine. That'll shut her up real quick.
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Comments (5)
cuz803 46
Couples therapy and communication? I hope that helps
RichardPencil 32
Get a CPAP machine. That'll shut her up real quick.
IHaveThePower 18
Sooo...if someone's ragging on you for breathing funny, here's a few quick things to check: 1. Itchy throat? Coughing? 2. Tap just under and just above your eyes. Does it hurt? 3. Does your throat or chest feel randomly tight? If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, you may in fact have asthma, sinusitus, or other such breathing problems. Source: This is usually how I find out I have a sinus infection.
Alc627 3
Is she pregnant? I felt like that about my husband when I was pregnant.
kk. 14
Is she by any chance on birth control? I was super crazy when I use to be on them...