Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML
Today, my 12 year-old son came home with two broken arms after finding an awesome place to ride his bike. He found a sweet jump and his handlebars broke. He's currently in slings and waiting for an appointment with a surgeon, the breaks were so bad, the hospital couldn't reset them. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, I took my kids to an indoor playground. My two year-old wanted me to climb the rock wall and ring the bell. I slipped right when I was about to touch it. I landed wrong and felt a 'POP' and agony. Hello, broken ankle. FML
Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML
Today, it was my daughter's 11th birthday party. One kid broke a vase, another lost a (baby) tooth, and two kids, including mine, tested positive for Covid. My kid parties harder than I ever have. FML
Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML
Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML
Today, at school, I offered my friend $5 to climb up a tree and jump off. I was already having a hard day and just wanted a bit of a laugh. What I didn't expect was to end up in the hospital with a broken arm because my friend jumped on me. FML
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Top comments
Ishq786 12
'I believe I can fly...'
rkmn8r 6
yolo: you only land once
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Comments (47)
Kartor 6
Your son will be ok. Your daughter on the other hand...she has a lot to learn.
happyapy 16
Ah, older brothers. They are so silly sometimes.
Jennidoll 2
you're son is a jerk and your daughter is a moron. when I was that young I knew that nobody flies EVER.
KiddNYC1O 22
Wow, way to treat a sibling.
Levee44 9
Is your daughter mentally challenged?
jaystreet46 4
Oh the slippery slide of self-abuse. Wtf is a slippery slide? Is it better than a regular slide?
outoftown 27
Hope the girl is all right, OP. And that her shitty brother has to do all HER chores too, until her arm fully heals.
MuseFan1991 14
do you live in The Magic Faraway Tree?
Ray_of_midnight 23
"Here, y'all hold my juice box and watch this"
Bludmagnus 13
That is a boy who deserves to be grounded till he graduates college...