Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me to propose by telling me that the sooner we get married, the sooner she'll get pregnant and hence the sooner we can eat the placenta. FML
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend of three weeks basically threatened to kill herself if I don't start thinking about having a child with her soon. FML
Today, after my girlfriend telling me for years that she would marry me in a heartbeat, I finally proposed. She said no. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML
Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML
Today, my fiancée is convinced that I just want to marry her to get a green card, so she doesn’t want to marry me anymore. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while I was proposing. FML
Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by handing me a ring and saying, "Let's get this dumb shit over and done with." FML
Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML
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Top comments
GhostFox 34
I... what the ever loving ****? Why would you even DO that, let alone why would it be phrased as if it were supposed to be a good thing?
loserman67 36
RUN.... run fast, run far...
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Comments (22)
GhostFox 34
I... what the ever loving ****? Why would you even DO that, let alone why would it be phrased as if it were supposed to be a good thing?
DJRy 13
Yeah and why would it be motivation to marriage? LOL.
loserman67 36
RUN.... run fast, run far...
Bubbilility 27
I was actually discussing this sort of thing last night. He was laughing that there's a breast milk ice-cream shop that claims to be healthy for people. I pointed out that some people eat the placenta to regain nutrients, or something like that, so don't listen when the internet says something is healthy.
honestjane 22
Isn't all milk technically breast milk?
Dave_Davington 34
**** me, I don't even know where to begin.
really_dad? 14
That's like a parent saying "as soon as you get home you're in trouble and im gonna whoop you." But if your girlfriend is into eating placenta I bet you do kinky shit with her
tonyfan00 38
Now might be a good time to run...
RichardPencil 32
The way to combat crazy is to up the ante with batshit crazy. Tell her she can have all of the placenta, because you want to eat the baby, like hamsters do. That’ll make her run, so you don’t have to make the effort.
acmariner99 25
I know FML is a daily dose of funny, but it is frightening to know these kinds of people exist. Run ... just run.
jbuckets_404 39
There's no need to wait for her own placenta; get all that you want at the hospital's maternity ward and then stuff it into Rx-sized gel tablets for ease of consumption. Problem solved without getting pregnant! Btw pay no attention to those reports of women having medical issues after taking them....
davecross 11
And that's when you tell her propose, I was actually thinking about breaking up with you.