Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML
Today, I was at the laundromat, when an attractive girl set up at the machine next to mine. She looked me up and down, then noticed the skid-marks on my underwear. FML
Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML
Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML
Today, the same day I decided to stubbornly go commando because my lazy boyfriend hasn’t taken his turn to do our laundry in 4 days was also the day I split my shorts squatting down to pick up my bag at the bus stop. Ten strangers saw my bare asscrack, and two teenagers started cat calling me for my butt tattoo. FML
Today, at the gym, a very attractive lady was working out in front of me, wearing tiny shorts that left zero to the imagination. I kept trying to avert my gaze, until her extremely buff boyfriend came over and threatened me. My crime? I wasn’t checking out his girl enough. FML
Today, I was at a bar. A fat guy looks at me for a while and sits down next to me. He turns and I expect that he'll hit on me. He then buttons down his shirt, presses his man boobs together and say to his friends “Look, I’ve got bigger tits than than the girl next to me!" His friends agreed. FML
Today, I did my laundry at a laundromat. When I came back to get my clothes, I found an elderly man wearing my favorite Joy Division t-shirt, and he refused to give it back because he said it was his. I spent a few minutes arguing with him, before realizing I had grabbed someone else's clothes too. FML
Today, I went to do laundry in my apartment building. I thought no one was around, so I walked down in my pajamas (a giant t-shirt with holes and socks with sandals). Of course, I ran into the neighbor I’ve had a crush on for months. He was shirtless, holding a laundry basket like an ad for cologne. He smiled and said, “Nice, erm, outfit?” I’ve never sprinted back upstairs faster. FML
Today, I was in a restroom sitting on the toilet, when the guy right next to me noticed my AC/DC boxers around my ankles and started to sing "Back in Black." FML
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Top comments
Dweron93 5
Don't drop the soap
ImTheAlpha 30
One of my exes was made into a prison bitch... NOT a pleasant experience.
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Comments (115)
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Now that's disturbing.
KeyLoLoKye 0
Foreshadowing? Be careful
skyeyez9 25
Ironic thing is men in prison who rape other men still consider themselves straight.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Well, that's known as "situational sexuality"...plenty of otherwise-straight people in single-gendered environments like military barracks, single-sex boarding schools or colleges, etc., engage in same-sex behavior because access to sexual activity with the opposite sex is not available. Besides, rape isn't about sexuality so much as it is about establishing dominance, which is very important in the social order in prison.
d_unsub 12
Great explanation (no sarcasm). But try to explain the "isn't about sexuality" part to the "prison bitches"
j_cat187 20
He shall take it in the ass!
flashback.miss 28
Was his name Bubba? But in all seriousness, how terrifying. hopefully he just had a sick sense of humour and was trying to get a rise out of you OP....
sparkjolt 10
It was probably just some normal dude that you judged because he had tattoos. Saw you looking at him funny and he decided to mess with you.
esines 9
Yup some normal dude with sexy booty shorts
andrewsgirl2010 7
Get out! Get out now OP! Run for your life! Well wait, then again he might like it if you run..slowly back away from the big man.
MasterTron 24
Come here puppet boy, make your daddy talk
RedCrow 0
Hit and runnnnnn!!!
stepymac 15
Run and don't look back!!!!