Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I'd left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML
Today, I got home to find a pair of my dirty underwear (that were in the dirty clothes basket) in the middle of the living room. I must be delicious, because my dog was licking them. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML
Today, I had my boss and his family over for dinner. Our kids played while waiting for dinner to be ready. Just as we were sitting to eat, our 8-year-olds ran out and my son says "Look at Baxter! I found underwear with a tail hole!" They had found my crotchless panties and put them on the dog. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's apartment, when I came across a lacy black thong in the laundry. When confronted, he swore it was his. I don't know what's worse, the possibility that another woman left it there, or the idea that my boyfriend owns and wears women's lingerie. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML
Today, I lost the beautiful necklace my boyfriend gave me for Valentine's day. I looked everywhere, and couldn't find it. My sister held the bag while I dug through the stinking trash, then after I cleaned everything up, took it out of her pocket and said she was pretending it was lost. FML
Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML
Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML
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Top comments
windycityassasin 6
Maybe the dog just wanted to feel sexy
LiterOfCola 16
Bernie is proud to fit into such a small size though.. I say they did a good deed boosting his confidence
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Comments (88)
RedPillSucks 33
they were going for the wrong kind of "hot" dog.
drkate25 30
Maybe they're trying subtly to tell OP she's a real "woofer"
TurquoiseJesus 15
It's ok, 19, you tried. 'A' for effort.
Glassmaster 0
I don't care about the effort, that pun still only deserves a C.
Pyapi 20
Wait, you named your Saint Bernard Bernie? Isn't that creative...
deegeebee 10
That was my first thought too! XD
ShyAnn29 15
Maybe they like the movie "Weekend at Bernie's"
Suzi_d16 27
Literally came to the comments to see if anyone else noticed this too haha
ICastillo 25
Hey bitches love silk.
BunchieRules 31
Except Bernie is a male dog.
ICastillo 25
Ya that's the point he is going to get bitches with the silk.
BunchieRules 31
Well, that comment went completely over my head. I thought you meant Bernie liked the silk and tried it on, because he's supposedly a female. Whoops.
80skid 15
A SAINT BERNARD? Yikes.
maddygirl820 10
Prolly the second one
RCAddict16 0
Is your saint bernard a girl? If so I think they are making a statement.
cupkate18 6
Hey ass face umm you know that you said it was the family's fault and then her fault WTF
wolfhausen 7
So much hostility, and I'm not sure who you're directing this at..
MindFreakazoid 10
WTF? 'Welcome To Facebook'?
WhatWhatInTheBut_fml 5
if it was your fav, then why did you leave it at home and not take it with you? your fault for that
greeneyebeauty9 28
depends on how big and old your St. Bernard is..
twinkiefeets 17
St bernards average 140 pounds
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
American women average more than that I'm sure...