Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML
Today, I got more pleasure from scratching a bug bite than I've gotten from my boyfriend in 2 whole years. FML
Today, after good sex, we were lying in bed, just hugging and stroking each other, when the moment was ruined by a mosquito biting my nipple. I swatted it and we tried to get back to feeling good when another mosquito bit my husband right on the tip of his penis. Moment well and truly over. FML
Today, I finally got to see my girlfriend's mouth open with pleasure… while she was scratching a bug bite. FML
Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML
Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML
Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
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Top comments
rhysfucker 24
Where did it bite you and how long did you scratch?
tygerarmy 35
That mosquito really got your blood flowing.
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Comments (99)
PearceIsFallen 6
OP, if I may offer you some advice, either find someone to take care of it for you, or do it yourself.
thehieser 4
U have fingers. Use them
bennysmom514 1
I feel like it isn't all about your poor sex life. I had poison ivy once and in the hot water of the shower I had similar feelings Lol . just pleasure centers of the body I suppose...
Chibi_Kitten 24
The heck was this bite?! On the bright side, you found that you are capable of having an ******.
15751 7
Ahah is that even possible?
Kristen320 21
That bump isn't a mosquito bite...