Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I started a new job that was highly recommended by a worker there. The same coworker that is now making my life a living hell. FML
Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML
Today, my first day at the job, I went up to my coworker and began to ask her name. She cut me off and snapped, “I have a name.” FML
Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML
Today, I started my new job, and was introduced to my colleague. She seemed old and quite experienced, so I thought she was going to teach me. I was wrong. It turns out I'm a replacement for her daughter, who used to secretly do all of her work for her because she has no idea how to do it herself. FML
Today, I got a new job. This would've been a good thing, but apparently, the person I'm replacing was very well-liked around my workplace. All of my co-workers hate me now for replacing someone who I don't even know. FML
Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML
Today, my mom started her new job; she's now my new coworker. She's already told the other girl I'd said she talks too much, and has berated me for not calling her "Mom" while at work. FML
Today, I found out my ex is applying for a job at my current company. She may become my boss. FML
Today, I started a new job. After being trained on several obscure computer programs I'm expected to use in just one day, my new boss informed me she's going on a week long vacation starting tomorrow. She's the only other person who knows how this program runs. FML
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Top comments
asleepingbear 8
Illuminati?
TwitchingNebula 17
At least you don't have to wonder who the office nut is anymore.
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Comments (132)
BubbleGrunge 18
In which you reply "Challenge accepted!"
TheRandomIndian 17
And then OP finds out she was serious and kills OP
vbmg152 19
Where the hell do you work?
LarryLaDouche 13
Are you now work colleagues with a shape shifting NWO Reptilian Agent?
tmmundy 17
What?
Omfgitsmia 15
I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it
eaglerob 20
Ask if she knows the lottery numbers from the future, too. Crazy loves crazy ;)
poodle_juice 17
She sounds badass. Loosen up OP.
journeytotheend 16
She sounds awesome
SwtCherryPie 26
I agree. She sounds pretty cool. Get a sense of humor OP.
journeytotheend 16
Exactly, I would've hit her back with.. "You still have much to learn young grasshopper. While you were talking to me, my twin is going forward with the plan"
hienzburgess 9
LOL I've introduced myself like that plenty of times. Once I asked someone where they lived after they introduced themselves. Hilarious.
NickElSak 1
The trick is, make yourself sound crazier than she is.
crownlogic 25
Liam Neeson at the office.