Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML
Today, I leaned in to kiss my boyfriend goodnight at the door. He smiled sweetly, cupped my cheek… and then used his other hand to pull the last slice of pizza out of my hand and slam the door shut. FML
Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "Eat it, eat it!" FML
Today, I made out with a handsome man in the restroom at a party. There was a knock on the door, interrupting us. It was his girlfriend. FML
Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's apartment. He started coming on to me so I pushed him away and said, "No chance." He said "Well, I'm horny, so I'm gonna take care of it myself. Can you go home now?" FML
Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML
Today, I told my long-distance boyfriend that I'd like to throw my legs over my head and have him cram his dick deep inside me. He told me to order a pizza, "It'd be more fun." FML
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, after a great double date with my best friend and two really hot guys, we went back to my place. My friend and I left the guys in the living room to go grab some more wine. When we came back, we found our dates making out with each other on the couch. FML
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Top comments
TheDrifter 24
You silly goose, you gotta tie him down before you dominate him if you don't know whether he's a runner.
seandoc 13
He must've been under some serious pressure. Or he could've just wanted some pizza.
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Comments (98)
obviousboy 8
Puuuuuuuussayyyyyyy
KiddNYC1O 22
Must be DiGiorno's!
mosquito19 14
pizza is code for ****
tacojauns 45
Maybe was a virgin and just wasn't ready
rightspark 7
HE IS GAY!!! Sorry OP no door in that closet i would've done you if you hop on top of me, he couldn't. WTF?
xmaximusx 12
Small dick virgin or maybe he's having a flare up
bmxbikeco 7
Maybe he's a Mogwai and he knows he has to eat before midnight, otherwise he'll change into a Gremlin.
Ammoniak 1
Hey, when i'm drunk food's kinda important to me too, I can relate!
mistercrow 9
Next time just play a board game with him :)
cherylstar71 4
Sounds...meh