Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three Percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tore a muscle in my back. At the hospital, I was prescribed some pain medication. My husband got me settled at home, with everything I needed within reach, and left for work. As I picked up the bottle to take the first pill, I knocked it on the floor. It rolled under the couch. FML
Today, I had a minor outpatient procedure that required sedation. I am not supposed to drive or even be alone for 24 hours. My husband wouldn't take the day off to go with me, and instead of coming home from work, he is at the bar with his coworkers. FML
Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment is for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket, because walking is "too painful." FML
Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML
Today, I went to the hospital for crippling back pain that made it impossible to walk. The doctor was more interested in telling me off for not taking a pill that he admitted doesn't help acute pain. He then gave me an injection that wore off in an hour, and sent me home, telling me to take over the counter meds. FML
Today, I finally got to come home after hours spent in a locked down ER after a car accident. My injuries were non life-threatening, but pretty damn painful. I asked my sister to pick up my pain meds from the pharmacy for me. She got drunk and "lost them", AKA gave them to her dirtbag boyfriend. FML
Today, out of sheer stubbornness, my husband forced himself to go to the toilet despite severe constipation. He forced it so hard he now has a migraine and his nose won’t stop bleeding, but he won’t go see a doctor. He could have burst an artery in his brain but no, he knows better than "some doctor." FML
Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML
Today, I hurt my back at work due to faulty, outdated, and just crap equipment. Workers’ comp offered me two Tylenols and a pamphlet about "mindfulness over medical bills." FML
Today, it's been almost 24 hours since my wife bent down and couldn't get back up. After laying in bed all day in agony with a bad back, an ambulance was called. She still currently can't stand in the hospital. I have two kids to look after and am supposed to be in work tomorrow. I have no idea what to do. FML
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Top comments
ihaveasushicat 24
Hide his keys...
BigLatchZatch 14
In his pants - he'll never find them.
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Comments (94)
ladytigerhunts 20
Knock him out with a TV! On a serious note, hide every car keys you can find and lock car doors, too!
orbit 22
I would personally choose a hat rack over a tv, much classier
littleteapot 21
Put sugar in the gas tank!
tournamentdecide 33
Yes, lets mess up their vehicle when we can just hide the items to enter said automobile.
Khaleesi_26 30
Drugs are bad mmmkay
whenitdidhappen 14
the kids-mmlp
thebestofboth 20
It's a South Park reference guys
GentlemanBastard 15
#50 was referencing a song that referenced South Park. Refrenception.
jvfelicio 13
Cool stories bros, keep it to yourself.
iluvFMLs15 19
#69 - stupid comment bro, keep it to yourself....
sdroze1389 31
tell him casual Friday still has pants on the dress code
thebigtwinkie 28
Haha
SamanthaThe1st 23
My father was the same way. He knew everything and if you disagreed with him, you're a shark's dinner
jamal_hall 8
Hide his keys, or don't put gas in the car lol
tournamentdecide 33
You do realize you don't empty your car of whatever gas was there when you get home then refill it before you leave, right?
orbit 22
Maybe they live in a bad neighborhood
countryb_cth 38
Make sure to hid his keys. Or in his delusional state try and just convince him the car is in the bedroom lol
PoisonOrchid 21
Just distract him long enough for him to pass out. If he's not used to narcotics, it'll happen any minute now..
MossyMegaMan 20
Shit's strong. That's sad, but I'm not surprised. Percocet ain't nothin' to mess with.
GentlemanBastard 15
You're thinking of Wu-Tang, I think. And it's "**** with"
FYlife604 18
Lol same thing I was thinking wu-tang ain't nothin' to **** with
elsuperloco68 12
Let him. What's the big deal.
slyde32 12
just that he's high on the medication, no biggie
rocker_chick23 27
Because he is high as a kite and might kill someone if he drove.
False_Stupidity 42
Driving under the influence of strong drugs is never a good idea, pants or no pants.