Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, I told my mom that I think I'm lactose intolerant, and that I should go to the doctor to get checked out. She said that I was probably just gassy, and then ordered us a pizza for dinner. FML
Today, my mom and dad got into a fight, during which my dad said to my mom that her health conditions were of her own doing. Because of that, I got pissed and had a fight with my dad, taking my mom's side. Turns out, my mom took his side and ratted me out. FML
Today, my family had an argument with me because I bought the wrong kind of cheese. They never said what kind they wanted. The argument ended with my mother saying that she wished she could kill herself, because of how horrible of a person I am. FML
Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, my horrible parents turned up to the restaurant I work at just to mess with me. Dad forgot his wallet, what a surprise, and asked me to pay the bill. I refused so my manager got involved. My dad got arrested, I got fired and might lose my lousy flat if I’m late on the rent. FML
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Top comments
CharismaGeek 19
Well, that's what drinking does to you. Do your best to settle the argument before things get too crazy, OP
ShadowStarEXE 35
Run. Run like hell. Let your parents sort it out on their own. They're grown ups now.
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Comments (45)
savmut 8
Tell your mom to get vegan cheese and that she's a Whiny drunk.
JebMcdeber 11
Sounds like your mom's a bitch. I'm sorry, OP. Maybe you can get her to try a different drug? Perhaps weed, or Valium... Midol. Anything, really.
NYGiants1925 22
Sounds like my parents sober lol
capnbzarr 43
Doesn't matter; had pizza.
xelarea 14
I'd have run to the store for some veggie slices shredded lactose free cheese and make another pizza. It's decent stuff. I make my pizzas with it since I'm also incredibly lactose intolerant.
PenguinsLaugh 24
Unfortunately, most stores in small towns in WI (and the majority of WI is small towns) don't carry lactose-free cheese.
shelovesshoes 23
oh dear
Iamnotfat 16
Op you can fix this problem and help your mom with these over the counter pills called "lactaid" or "lacteeze" two different brands that do the same thing. Basically it is Lactase enzymes in pills (the chemical your body needs to digest milk) so as long as she takes 2-3 of these chewables before eating or drinking dairy, and should be fine. This helps people with Lactose intolerance, however not those with milk allergy so be careful as to which one she has.
Pootispencerhere 1
Yeah, this is why I went out of state too :/