Today, I bought my cat a fun toy at the one of a kind craft show. It has catnip in it, which he loves. He flipped out, so I took it away. He won't stop trying to break into the cupboard I put it in. My cat has a drug problem. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought my cat a catnip-filled toy that's shaped like a fish. He pounced on it, wrestled with it, and then got so scared of it for no reason that he dashed full speed into the wall. FML
Today, I think my cat is getting high. Whenever she finds her drug of choice, she sniffs it, then rolls around in it, purring ecstatically. Typical catnip reaction, right? Wrong. It’s my dirty underwear she's into. FML
Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML
Today, I bought a huge 1kg bag of catnip and told the delivery driver to just leave the package inside the door. They then left me a soft plastic bag full of catnip. Guess who came home to two stoned cats and a messed up house… FML
Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to surprise my cat with a fancy new toy. I spent $30 on a laser pointer. Turns out, my cat is terrified of lasers, and spent the next hour giving me the "You betrayed me" look from under the couch. FML
Today, I went Christmas shopping for my cat. I still haven't bought presents for my family, yet my cat already has several small gifts under the tree and an outfit to wear around the house. I really need a new hobby. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML
Today, my cat learned that smacking his feather toy against the metal barrel I store it in will result in a loud and irritating sound that gets me out of bed fast. Taking it out and putting it on the floor doesn't work, because he learned how to pick it up and drop it in the barrel. My cat is a goddamn genius. FML
Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML
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Top comments
devildog562 33
Cat crack. What did you expect?
PleasantDino 22
Whenever my cat gets ahold of catnip he makes love to everything he sees.. I think he has a problem
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Comments (43)
devildog562 33
Cat crack. What did you expect?
PleasantDino 22
Have you ever tried the laser light when a cat is on catnip? It's 10× funnier
PleasantDino 22
Whenever my cat gets ahold of catnip he makes love to everything he sees.. I think he has a problem
AlwaysWatching 27
When animals get exited in any way they may start to do that because it's a way to release their energy. If the cat gets hyper from catnip then that would be an expectable result.
PleasantDino 22
He's always excitable, he really needs a good sniparoo.
dannnngthatsux 19
I understand that for some cats, the feeling of sniffing/eating catnip is like falling in love. Snipping is probably a good idea but might not stop catnip related love...
wallamanut 14
It's always catastrophic to see someone's life fall apart like that.
Soloman212 28
You should get him professional help right nyow.
EvilTurtle 35
The cat is purrfect the way he is, he obviously doesn't need help!
wallamanut 14
you're not a cat! you're an evil turtle! I will not let you deceive these good people!
Diarrhea_Volcano 29
Don't tell them about the turtles! Keep your mouth shut!
Enderkate4 20
Cat puns? You've got to be kitten me.
devildog562 33
No more catnip for you. Edit.... Damnit. It took me too long to understand this. Too late to take it back.
Zacky_Chan 22
Crack kitty! (referring to crack kid)
Enslaved 38
I learnt that sensitivity to catnip is genetic. It does nothing to 2 of my 3 cats. Not all cats are effected. But my one cat? ... She turns into a ******* Jezebel. That stuff is banned from my house.
littlekellilee 45
My cat enjoys it and rolls around with her catnip toy for a couple minutes before ditching it. She doesn't get that crazy high, thank god.
Moochi456 20
My cat tries jumping through glass doors when we give her catnip...
Hiimhaileypotter 53
2 of my cats aren't interested at all, only the younger one rubs herself all over it or is more interested in catnip toys. None of mine get that high though, either. It's always weird when people say their cats are psycho for catnip because I've never actually met one who is. Also I've never met a cat who goes insane for a laser light!
martin8337 36
Time for an intervention. Then send the cat to rehab.
coldwithinme 14
What, cats aren't allowed to chase the magic dragon all of a sudden?
AnonymousUser90 21
Cat people and dog people don't always see eye to eye on a lot of things, but the one thing they can agree on is- There's nobody weirder than bird people.
TypoFairy 20
And us bird people (owners, not aliens) say nobody is stranger than snake people.
ThePols 11
Naw Kitty! That's mah potpie!
foxyhasmybooty 16
"Mom!!?!! Kitty's being a *****!!!" The mom:"Well I know a certain kitty kitty who's sleeping with mommy tonight!" XD
laden_swallow09 35
Funny, but unfortunately irrelevant. Begging for food and getting catnip fecking wasted are two different ballgames.