Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML
Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML
Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML
Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her, "If I want to have sex, I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you get married." She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML
Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML
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Top comments
goshkoganwtf 0
Your mother is a bitch. No offence to you. But its just mean what she did Im sorry.
EmilyMarie 0
I say you should get pregnant and see how she responds. (Unless you're male I suppose.)
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Comments (320)
LW_fml 0
what a bitch
U_R_FED 0
hilarious!
pino_fml 0
ha that's ******!!
k8stinson 0
That a mom
weirdshitsucks 0
LOL ur mom owned u..... i say shes right, i have no idea why someone would w8 till marriage to ****. they're missing too much, and in the best years of their lives no less.
elpaso_fml 0
good 4 u! ima do the same thing , ur mom is a biiiaaatch (for saying that)
chocolatebabe88 0
best mother ever! lmao some wud call her a bitch but she is just saying wat she thinks is true yu gtta respect that:P
bassmaster_pat 0
powned!!! thats for being a christian!
Rantie 0
Your Reply: "Bitch make me dinner!"
blueworld_fml 0
be doing it on the kitchen table when she comes home from work tomorrow.