Today, I used to think all those exhausted mom memes and jokes were just exaggerated bullshit. That was until I found myself struggling to stay awake during my morning poop and still drinking Red Bull on the toilet. The kids need to get ready for school, and I’m a straight up zombie. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after not having coffee for ages, I finally remembered why I stopped drinking it. I literally just shit my pants, and I’m about to start a ten-hour day with 27 fifth graders. FML
Today, after having stayed up all night studying, all the coffee I'd drank to keep me awake hit my gut with a vengeance. I ended up missing two exams because I was emptying my bowels into the toilet all morning. FML
Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML
Today, I'm dead on my feet after being awake since 1AM with the baby. I begged my wife to watch both the baby and our four year-old for an hour while I napped. She refused, and instead said she needed a rest more. Her reason? “I might need to do a shit later.” FML
Today, I realized what pulling an all-nighter means in reality. You’re psyched and active for about two hours after the decision, then you plod along bleary-eyed for another 4-8h, after which you inevitably fall into bed, only to end up tired and with a fucked-up sleep cycle for the next few days. FML
Today, I was teaching a class when a kid asked me why grown-ups needed to drink coffee. Before I could answer, another kid chimed in, "Because adults are boring and tired all the time." I laughed and said that sometimes adults need a little extra energy. One kid raised his hand to ask, "Is that why you're so grumpy every morning?" FML
Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen me up and calm my nerves. I have a 3 hour long meeting soon. FML
Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML
Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML
Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Seems unsanitary to me and I'm not really much of a clean freak.
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Comments (1)
RichardPencil 32
Seems unsanitary to me and I'm not really much of a clean freak.