Today, my now ex genuinely thought I’d buy the idea that he hasn’t answered a call or text in five days because he thought the "government" was "tracking" him. When I refused to buy his excuse, he raged that I was a "trained sheep." He was actually shacked up with his married coworker at the beach. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML
Today, my husband and I went out to dinner. I caught him writing down his number for the waitress. When I confronted him, his response was, "What? I'm not allowed to have friends?" and threw a fit over my "irrational paranoia." I had to walk home in the cold, because he kicked me out of the car mid-argument. FML
Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML
Today, I was set up on a date by a coworker. The guy turned up late, but whatever. He then spent 30 breathlessly long minutes complaining about his "bitch of an ex." Then he spent another 30 minutes trying to convince me that the QAnon bullshit was real. I had to pull the whole 'fake emergency phone call' to get the hell out of there. FML
Today, I found out that my violent ex has moved to my country for the sole purpose of tracking me down. I know this because my former boss called and told me she gave him my address. She loves the idea of us getting back together because, "You're such a cute couple!" FML
Today, I got a call from an ex, demanding to know why my Facebook relationship status was set as married. I got married a few months ago, and I quietly explained this to her. My wife overheard and now thinks I've been cheating all along. FML
Today, I was finishing a conversation with my husband. His phone rang, but he didn't take it. He said, "No, the guy said he was going to call me at 11:30 and it's 11:36. I'll call him in 3 minutes." It was then I realized that I have been the subject of this type of petty control for over 30 years. FML
Today, I reconnected with someone who'd stopped talking to me when I told him his wife was unstable. He informed me that she'd had a violent meltdown and he now has a restraining order against her. He then angrily told me I'd only made a "lucky guess" and screamed at me for "gaslighting" him when I disagreed. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML
Today, after months of working on our relationship, my ex asked to borrow my car. After many hours and phone calls to see where he was, he still wasn't back. I decided to check my car's GPS and found him at my friend's house. He tried to deny that it was her house, when I've been there multiple times. FML
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Top comments
Royal Sataness 4
why are people like this? my ex ghosted me for 2 weeks and came back asking if I was tired of him since I wasn't texting him. then asked me over for sexy times. when I said we weren't going to just pretend he didn't ghost me for 2 weeks, he said ok nice knowing you. and that was that. you will find someone better that deserves you. don't be too upset over this 2 pump chump
Plop 17
They only had to go into hiding because the government was out to get them! And then he had check that there were no tracking device hidden in her ******. With his penis. You're very unreasonable for not understanding something like that!
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Comments (4)
Plop 17
They only had to go into hiding because the government was out to get them! And then he had check that there were no tracking device hidden in her ******. With his penis. You're very unreasonable for not understanding something like that!
RichardPencil 32
The government must have done a shitty job tracking him! The Deep State let him go deep.
Royal Sataness 4
why are people like this? my ex ghosted me for 2 weeks and came back asking if I was tired of him since I wasn't texting him. then asked me over for sexy times. when I said we weren't going to just pretend he didn't ghost me for 2 weeks, he said ok nice knowing you. and that was that. you will find someone better that deserves you. don't be too upset over this 2 pump chump
IHaveThePower 18
I'm more laughing at the idea of trying to train a sheep. There's a reason you need herd dogs for them...