Dream baby dream

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

Today, my dad told me about how my mother had a bad dream last night and began to scream, "Don't take me, take my children!" FML

No! Noooo!

Today, I told my parents I was pregnant. They yelled at me until I started crying. I'm 31, married, and I have a good paying job. FML

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

How can I make everything about me?

Today, our pregnancy announcement was ruined by my dad who thought it would be funny to grab my boyfriend while yelling, "You got my daughter pregnant, boy! I’m going to kill you!" It wasn’t funny, there was just an awkward silence, and now this precious moment is something I’d rather forget. FML

Today, my husband jolted in bed and while still half-asleep said, "I had a nightmare; I dreamt we had a kid." I'm 8 months pregnant. FML

Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML