Today, I found out where all my favourite things have been disappearing to: the garbage bin, one item at a time, courtesy of my girlfriend, who it seems wants me in a suit reading the Financial Times on a Saturday, instead of my favourite Jedi dressing gown reading Game of Thrones. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent what seemed like an hour tearing apart my living room looking for the TV remote, only to find it in the fridge next to the milk. It turns out that last night I decided to put my cereal away in the entertainment center. FML
Today, I realised half my underpants were missing. In related news, my slob of a housemate hasn't washed hers in several weeks, and has been stealing mine. FML
Today, I noticed some of my things in my slob of a roommate's piles of clothes. I found six pairs of my underwear that had gone missing. Turns out she hasn't done laundry recently so my underwear drawer was her own personal Victoria's Secret. I hadn't even worn a pair yet. All six were stained. FML
Today, I found out where a few of my favorite outfits went. My mother had taken them out of my closet, wrapped them, and given them to my cousin as a gift. FML
Today, I went to drop the garbage in the compactor as I left to do some shopping. I quickly put my handbag down on the side, threw the 'garbage' in the machine, watched it do its thing, and then turned round to find... the bag of garbage on the side. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been getting rid of every single item of clothing I didn’t compliment her on. This has probably cost me thousands already. FML
Today, I found out why all my packages have been systematically disappearing. My husband throws them out because he’s “sick of my selfish online shopping spree habits.” That would be more understandable if I had actually been online shopping, and not ordering my special eczema toiletries and medications. FML
Today, in protest at my girlfriend stealing the blankets every night, I actually bought myself a separate duvet. She stole that one too in her sleep, wrapped it round herself, and turned over so many times it disappeared under her somewhere. I went and slept on the sofa in my dressing gown. FML
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
Today, I found the missing sock from my laundry inside the sleeve of a hoodie I’d already worn twice. I now know where my laundry goes to hide from me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TinScarecrow 15
If she isn't respecting your property or what you enjoy she isn't respecting you
rotflqtms_ 21
Who really wants to be in a suit reading a boring paper anyway? is she going to wear heels and read the newspaper with you? SMH... I would rather do something FUN on my days off...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (14)
TinScarecrow 15
If she isn't respecting your property or what you enjoy she isn't respecting you
ahabsfan 17
Time to bust out the old Jedi mind tricks. “These are not the droid toys you’re looking for.”
rotflqtms_ 21
Who really wants to be in a suit reading a boring paper anyway? is she going to wear heels and read the newspaper with you? SMH... I would rather do something FUN on my days off...
hisspunkyone 2
Get out! You have to be comfortable in your own home. Full stop.
RichardPencil 32
Maybe it's time to put away childish things?
MidnaLink 35
Like her? I agree, she can be put on the street.
RichardPencil 32
Relationships are all about compromise. Maybe he should read Das Kapital in full mime make-up.
JackFaire 27
Like wearing suits and reading the financial section because you think that's what adults do.
bloopaloop 27
Sure, have fun. You could also grow up. These things are not mutually exclusive
JackFaire 27
Wearing a suit and reading the financial times is playacting at being an adult and is pretty damn childish. Unless you're a stockbroker or actually like wearing suits.
magnumpeyote66 6
Dump her bitch ass. She clearly doesnt love you for you
AmbrosiaFan 19
Toss her favorite things then toss her to the curb.
bobsanction 18
Time to put her in the garbage bin.
Akitakat 31
Leaving may be an option but I'd suggest giving karma a hand by her suddenly discovering that numerous things that she loves has somehow fell into the garbage disposal, the shredder, the toilet... you get the idea. Bet she won't find it as "ok to do thing" when she is the one loosing her stuff! Good luck!