Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML
Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML
Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML
Today, I had a dictation test. The whole classroom was silent, but I suddenly needed to fart. Not to break the silence, I wanted to fart slowly in the hope it would be silent. It didn't make the fart less obvious, it just made it longer, so that everyone noticed and started laughing. FML
Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML
Today, I was in a meeting at work, trying to keep my composure. I quietly shifted in my chair and accidentally let out a fart. It echoed in the conference room, and everyone stared at me in stunned silence. My boss sarcastically said, “Well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.” FML
Today, I trusted a fart at work and, for the first time in my life, it did not come out silent. I have had a hell of a time explaining to people that I don’t fart loudly all the time. FML
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of class. Thinking I got away with it, I just kept doing my work until some kid across the room says, "I could have done better." FML
Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML
Today, while waiting for class, I let out a huge fart in front of everyone thinking no one would hear it over the music. I was wearing headphones. FML
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Top comments
Medieval_Unicorn 24
You gotta own it, assert dominance, they'll know you don't mess around if you make eye contact while it's happening
Stripez234 16
That... Is utterly hilarious
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Comments (81)
shitstorm28 11
at that point it's better to just own it. at least then somebody might get a laugh out of it.
maharb01 17
this reminds me of a time that I had just started dating a girl that I really liked, and I visited her at her school for a long weekend. I didn't do it on purpose, but my body was involuntarily holding everything in to the point that I started getting stomach cramps. So I went to the restroom where my body let it's guard down, and then proceeded to "vent" loudly for, no exaggeration, 30 seconds. About halfway through I was laughing uncontrollably resulting in a series of pfffts which made me laugh even harder. Then I was good for the rest of the weekend!
cchamberlin1 13
Talking about laughing and your farts going with the laugh killed me
delichick 27
OMG I laughed so hard. That would be something Id do
stevenbro 6
Reminds me of the old joke--Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them too...
manuwish 9
best part is, your bellow wasn't me may have sounded like you calling it yours XP, laugh it off, OP, farts are natural
nyagemini23 22
omg! I almost popped a blood vessel I laughed so hard!
brenton490 19
That's why you have to have a name in mind for blame 1 second after it starts. So it goes something like this. *fart...1 second later* "Ahhh Jim wtf man".
Agent JPN 9
You need to treat farting in public just like you would walking around your apartment/house naked with the windows open. Maybe no one will see you most of the time, but eventually someone will. So, you have to own it... look your old neighbor in the eye, smile, and continue on in your naked glory with all the swagger it deserves.
frostedfoster 15
Speak O'toothless one.
writerchic85 26
It went on for 10 seconds and you couldn't pinch it off?
OhPuhleeze 23
Let me give you some advice, bastard. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armour, and it can never be used to hurt you.