Today, my sister has been going on and on about how sexy her new doctor is. She’s been plotting to fake an illness just to see him again. When I explained that doctors are professionals and even if he were interested it would be unethical for him to say so, she called me a fat, jealous loser. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my sister tried to convince me to go to a plastic surgeon, because "Bitchface Syndrome's no joke." FML
Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML
Today, while at the gym, I started flirting with a hot doctor. I thought things were going well so I suggested we work out together sometime and maybe work our way up to dinner together, to which she replied, "Sorry but I've seen tumors bigger than your biceps," and then walked out. FML
Today, after years of having seasonal allergies and months of having my throat close up, my mom agreed to see a doctor, only to insult me in front of the doctor, saying I just find new ways to make their lives harder and I'm probably making it all up. FML
Today, I was telling one of my patients I was upset because my sister wants to go to beauty school, and that I don't want her getting a worthless qualification and to aim higher. My patient replied by saying she's a hair dresser. FML
Today my sister was complaining about all the inaccuracies in Grey's Anatomy and how it negatively portrayed nurses. I’m a massage therapist. Almost everything portrays us as cheap whores. I’ve even been propositioned several times. When I pointed this out, she and the rest of my family laughed. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's with my pregnant sister, only to find out she still weighs less than me. FML
Today, my friend went on a lengthy rant about how people are "healthy at any size" and I need to embrace fat pride, after I said I intend to lose weight to alleviate my digestive and breathing troubles. Apparently her activist forum knows more about my health than my own doctor. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my little sister as she explained that all these guys like her now that she's so skinny and beautiful. My mom must have overheard me tell my sister that at least I was a cuter child, because my mom laughed and said, "Yeah right, we had to buy you fat kid diapers." FML
Today, I was so envious of my thin, pretty, genetically perfect sister getting a date that I lied to my mom, saying she was a prostitute. I made a fake escort page and used her pics. My mom lost her shit and kicked my sister out, but now the guilt is eating me up. FML
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Top comments
poopface82 25
Far be it from me to know whether you are fat, jealous, a loser or any combination thereof. However, you are right and your sister is a dope.
JackWood 21
Your sister is toxic put up some barriers.
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Comments (5)
poopface82 25
Far be it from me to know whether you are fat, jealous, a loser or any combination thereof. However, you are right and your sister is a dope.
Hangryko 32
At least you're not an immature, narcissistic brat.
JackWood 21
Your sister is toxic put up some barriers.
RichardPencil 32
You think no doctor has ever "dated" a patient? Undoubtedly, there's risk involved in this sort of thing, but that just makes it hotter. Let your sister try to pull it off, ya fat, jealous loser!
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Let her try it, get rejected and then tell her it must have been that the doctor though she was a fat, jealous loser.