Today, it's day 5 of being out of my mind with a fever. I actually uttered the words, "Spit is a lubricant, not a frictioncant or gripperorator." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I forget to remove my mask before I spitting. What a good day. FML
Today, I was treating a patient at the hospital where I'm a dentist. This particular gentleman was old and slightly deaf. After completing the procedure I gestured to the spitoon and asked him to spit. He got up, steadied himself, and spat straight in my face. FML
Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML
Today, I had a dentist appointment in which a nurse numbed my mouth. After coming home, I took a nap in which I unknowing bit through my top lip. I physically can't speak. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML
Today, during a series of violent sneezes due to a cold, I bit my tongue. My tongue is now so swollen I cannot close my mouth and am drooling profusely. I have to get ready to go to my job as a cashier. FML
Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML
Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
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Top comments
mfranks19891989 10
You’ve had a fever for 5 days! Have you been to the dr? If I were you I would have gone to the dr after 2 days Incase it’s something worse then a simple cold.
Muza 1
Hmmmm idk. How do you remember, let alone spell all that?
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Comments (10)
Muza 1
Hmmmm idk. How do you remember, let alone spell all that?
ThatOneLonelyAsian 31
op is a nerd?
mfranks19891989 10
You’ve had a fever for 5 days! Have you been to the dr? If I were you I would have gone to the dr after 2 days Incase it’s something worse then a simple cold.
Sheila Deville 15
yes i went on day 4, its infection & im on antibiotics. Thank you for being so sweet☺
mfranks19891989 10
Get well soon
Monica Castillo 11
Oh thank goodness! I should’ve read further to see if you’d responded! I’m so happy to hear that you’re on meds!! Get well soon, dear!!
Charlie Given 28
Hopefully you have seen a doctor by now because brain damage isn't fun you have a infection get some help
shannon2348 14
if you're so out of your mind how can you even remember?
Sheila Deville 15
because i haven't come down with amnesia, i am having a very hard time thinking clearly, doing simple daily things is a struggle, my thoughts have been random and in hindsight often don't make rational sence. Lucidity comes between fever spikes
Sencilia101 31
Oh my, I hope you feel better soon.
E2dav 5
that is not normal, get off FML and see a doctor
Monica Castillo 11
Please go to a clinic or see a medical professional. Having a fever for 5 days to the point of being delirious is not normal nor healthy. Whatever your body is fighting off, sounds like it’s losing the battle. If you HAVE been taking antibiotics, they may not be effective. If you’re writing this from a hospital bed, I apologize, but delirium-inducing fevers are the body’s way of telling you “something is very wrong, and I need help!!”.
Jim Martin 7
Spit has always worked as lube for me
randybryant799 21
uh Dr?