Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML
Today, I was walking to my room. My friend's dog, who has always seemed to hate me for no reason, let out the loudest bark he could muster the moment he saw me. Not only did he scare the absolute fuck out of me, he also made me drop my pizza. FML
Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML
Today, I was starving and ordered pizza. They said it would take 30 minutes. When it arrived an hour later, I was so hangry, I didn’t even wait for the delivery guy to leave. I grabbed the pizza box, ripped it open, and immediately dropped it face-down onto the ground. I ended up eating a slice of cold, dirt-covered pizza like a sad, defeated animal. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park, and he ran straight into a group of people having a picnic. Naturally, he grabbed the biggest piece of meat in sight and ran off with it. As I chased him, I tripped and fell in front of everyone. My dog then sat and chewed the meat in front of me. FML
Today, I tripped over my dog while carrying groceries. As I laid on the floor surrounded by smashed eggs, spilled milk, and a bruised knee, my dog stole the bread from the bag and and ran off. FML
Today, I felt like cheating on my diet and ordered a pizza. My mom and my sister were napping, so I put in the delivery notes, “Please don’t knock.” The delivery guy knocked anyway. LOUD. My mom and sister got up and saw everything. FML
Today, my dog was cold, so she kept sitting around the oven. When I opened it to put my pizza in, she hopped into it. The massive yelp of pain as she did so is going to haunt my dreams… and my financial stability. Even the vet has no idea how she's still alive. FML
Today, I leaned in to kiss my boyfriend goodnight at the door. He smiled sweetly, cupped my cheek… and then used his other hand to pull the last slice of pizza out of my hand and slam the door shut. FML
Today, I was waiting for my pizza delivery, which I had foolishly chosen to arrive at 5pm in the middle of rush hour. The pizza was roughly 30 minutes late due to this and I was so happy to get my pizza, I tried to help get the pizza out of the warming bag and somehow caused the delivery guy to drop his smartphone. FML
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Top comments
Harpy20 24
Please tell me there was a nanny cam.
awsetdvcshjkgss 1
Put his food bowl in front of him and then take it away when he comes at it
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Comments (136)
perdix 31
That's one hell of a Scooby snack. I hope you exposed some really nefarious scheme for the dog to get such a reward.
hopsinlove17 26
I don't know about you, but I happen to have a German Shepard. 90 pounds of pure muscle hurdling towards you isn't my definition of fun.O.O
benmec 18
Yuk. Put that dog outside or in his doggie prison.
PipingMouse 14
I don't think they have dog criminals, let alone a prison for them.
MichellinMan 20
I wouldn't be laughing if a giant dog nailed me into the door, causing me to knock over the delicious pizza and have that bastard eat it.
Megan98 18
I feel your pain, I have two of them.... -_-
twinkiefeets 17
You must have a big house!
walmartpaysme 15
Just because it is hilarious, doesn't mean that OP's life doesn't suck.
StanSmith2013 26
My dogs would do the same, it is the primeval instinct for food. Poor you OP, maybe next time feed the dog and then get pizza!
MisterEx 28
I am picturing your neighbor's face when you tell him this story. Just like when a student tells his teacher that the dog ate his homework. Good luck with that, dear OP.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
This is why you don't let large animals get a contact high. They get the munchies, and you were in the line of fire.
PYLrulz 17
Clever girl.