Today, I felt like cheating on my diet and ordered a pizza. My mom and my sister were napping, so I put in the delivery notes, “Please don’t knock.” The delivery guy knocked anyway. LOUD. My mom and sister got up and saw everything. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I ordered pizza for myself. When the delivery guy arrived, I opened the door in pajama pants, messy hair and a face mask. He smiled and said, “Oh, this order says ‘Family Combo Meal.’ Where’s everyone else?” I just said, “They’re busy.” They weren’t. FML
Today, I was starving and ordered pizza. They said it would take 30 minutes. When it arrived an hour later, I was so hangry, I didn’t even wait for the delivery guy to leave. I grabbed the pizza box, ripped it open, and immediately dropped it face-down onto the ground. I ended up eating a slice of cold, dirt-covered pizza like a sad, defeated animal. FML
Today, I ordered a pizza online to be delivered to my apartment. After an hour of waiting, I called the pizza place to ask what the problem was. Apparently, the people at the apartment below me took my already paid for pizza and ate it. FML
Today, I ordered food for delivery. I actually made it sound as if there were other people at home so I had an excuse for ordering so much. I don't think they bought it. FML
Today, I opened the door to a pizza delivery guy. I hadn't order any, but I thought maybe my roommate had. As he handed me the box, I said, "Thanks, you too" when he told me to enjoy my meal. He stopped, looked confused, and said, "Wait, what?" before leaving. I then realized my roommate was out of town and I’d just taken someone else’s pizza. FML
Today, I was waiting for my pizza delivery, which I had foolishly chosen to arrive at 5pm in the middle of rush hour. The pizza was roughly 30 minutes late due to this and I was so happy to get my pizza, I tried to help get the pizza out of the warming bag and somehow caused the delivery guy to drop his smartphone. FML
Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML
Today, feeling ravenous and hungover, I sneakily ate my roommate’s leftover pizza. Halfway through, I realized it wasn’t pizza, it was a frozen waffle with ketchup and cheese they’d left in the box as a trap. I fell for it. FML
Today, I ordered a large stuffed crust supreme pizza for myself. When I picked it up, I asked for extra plates and napkins so the cashier wouldn't know I don't have any friends. FML
Today, we ordered pizza. A long wait and several phone calls later, we found out that someone met the delivery person at the end of our driveway, signed our receipt, and stole our pizza. Way to check the credit card pizza people. FML
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Top comments
sarsuela 29
I thought you were upset because he woke them up but no, you were upset because they saw. Dieting doesn't work if you don't do it for yourself.
SM79 6
If you stay on track 6 days a week and have a few pieces of pizza one day, it's not cheating, it's a splurge. And statistically people who do this are more likely stick to healthy earing long term. I've been in Weight Watchers for 10 months, down 74 pounds, and do a splurge once a week. It keeps me from feeling deprived and binging.
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Comments (4)
Marcella1016 32
“And saw everything.” Damn the dramatic phrasing makes me wonder if “cheating on my diet” is code for “screwing the pizza guy” Seriously though I’m sure it’s ok to cheat on your diet now and then. And what was your end game there anyway? Eat the whole pizza or just a couple slices and trash the rest before they woke up and found out? Sucks they woke up, but I don’t think it was a well thought out plan to begin with lol. You can “cheat” - but structure it so you’re not *always* cheating and you should be fine. Like one cheat meal a week or whatever works for you :)
sarsuela 29
I thought you were upset because he woke them up but no, you were upset because they saw. Dieting doesn't work if you don't do it for yourself.
SM79 6
If you stay on track 6 days a week and have a few pieces of pizza one day, it's not cheating, it's a splurge. And statistically people who do this are more likely stick to healthy earing long term. I've been in Weight Watchers for 10 months, down 74 pounds, and do a splurge once a week. It keeps me from feeling deprived and binging.
JasonThorn 23
Get the guy's name, then don't tip for that place anymore and put in the notes "No tip, blame (Driver's Name)."