Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent an hour frantically searching for my car keys, turning the entire apartment upside down. After giving up and calling a locksmith, I found the keys… in the fridge. Because apparently I put my leftover pizza on top of them. FML
Today, my car keys decided to play hide and seek. Good news: I found them under my bed. Bad news: it was after my job interview was scheduled to start. FML
Today, I was running late for an important meeting and couldn't find my car keys. After searching around for way too long, I finally realised where they were - in the pocket of the pants I'd worn the day before, which were now spinning around in the now-unstoppable, two-hour washing machine cycle. FML
Today, I went through my purse to see where my keys were. I found my house keys, but not my car keys, so I freaked out. When I remembered that I was driving, I felt stupid. FML
Today, my toddler thought it would be funny to hide my car keys. After searching for hours, I found them in his toy box. FML
Today, I had a job interview but couldn't find my car keys. I had searched the entire apartment and had missed the interview. Turns out they were in my pocket the entire time. FML
Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML
Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML
Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting three hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML
Today, after being without my car keys for two days, I finally got a locksmith to unlock my car on the off chance I'd left my keys in there. $170 later, the car was open, but I didn't find my keys. Frustrated, I threw the paperwork in the garbage... where I spotted my keys. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
kirtpar 0
Or just start washing your undies ^.^
Yellow_Fish79 11
Yeah, I'd probably start carrying around a mace. And a bat. And a gun. .... and a rape whistle.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (174)
Vanilla1Thrilla 0
Don't even worry about it. I know I wouldn't stalk someone with skid marked underwear. I'd be afraid of getting pooped on.
ohmandapants 17
The fact that you have a STACK of skid-marked underwear disturbs me more than any thing else. Do some laundry and wipe your ass, you pig.
d3sigN8t3dDruNk 1
I cant beleive u admitted you shit your pants. Absolutely disgusting lol
THE_A_TEEN 28
What? You never shit your pants from time to time?
Swiftly 0
Oh. I thought that it was completely normal?
atomicbaboon 0
i miss the good ole days when you could just shit your pants and leave the stained underwear on your floor without people judging you
bettyc4 26
LMFAO THAT'S SO KNARLY
micahsmommy 13
Steps to improve OP's life: 1. Learn to use toilet paper or charmin fresh wipes. 2. Buy a laundry bag to keep dirty clothes until washing day. 3. Buy a hook and hang keys on hook. 4. Close your blinds, lock your doors, and carry mace wherever you go.
yandizzle 0
couldn't have said it better myself. I hope OP takes all of our advice.
jessie1 9
If you have a pile of skid marked underwear I don't think you are going to need mace
7SeasOfRhye 1
you deserve it for not wiping yer ass
THE_A_TEEN 28
*You *your *./! For gods sake, I was just recovering from Total Brain Suicide from a couple of days ago.
LeFunnyJunk 2
God's*. Sorry; I had to do it.
criss6 0
That's scary!!!
Squeaky_Tomato 14
Or start wiping your ass ...
emstar828 4
What a shitty pile of undies. . . For me to poop on. ;)