Today, I was making myself lunch. I love cooking, and often, I pretend I'm on the Food Network. I started to slice some tomatoes rapidly, which, turns out, was a big mistake; I sliced my thumb open. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML
Today, while working at a fine-dining restaurant, I was dicing veggies. I was paying such close attention to make sure the veggies were all the same size, that I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML
Today, I was working in a deli when I cut more meat than I intended; I basically removed my fingerprint via the deli slicer. FML
Today, I was chopping veggies for dinner and accidentally sliced through my thumbnail and into my finger. I wrapped it and finished cooking, despite being in considerable pain. My husband patted my shoulder and said sympathetically, "Don’t worry about the dishes babe. You can just do them tomorrow.” FML
Today, I was cutting potatoes. I was cutting them slowly, being careful, but my mom told me to cut faster, that I wouldn't cut myself. I cut myself. FML
Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by cooking dinner. As I was chopping onions, I cut my finger and started bleeding everywhere. She walked in, saw the blood on the onions, and almost passed out. FML
Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML
Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly, all while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Blahp 0
Well, be more careful? Sorry though.
ThankYhuCaptinOb 0
sorry it must of hurt but really I'm sorry I chose YDI becuase you have a great imagination but cooking .... you nee to be more careful lol
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (95)
Blahp 0
Well, be more careful? Sorry though.
Arc9 0
Amen. BE MORE FREAKING CAREFUL. That sounds painful as hell lol. FYL and YDI for getting ahead of yourself and sucking at it.
White667 0
Seriously? There's a reason why chefs train for years and don't just jump straight in with the KNIFE WORK.
MacOSXpert 7
How are you telling us this?
ryguy997 0
70- one handed typing. duh.
omgcookeys 15
At least they weren't cutting lemons to make lemonade or something...
wolfgold2 20
Today, master was acting crazy while making food, master cut the tomatoes quickly, and cut me. FML.
ThankYhuCaptinOb 0
sorry it must of hurt but really I'm sorry I chose YDI becuase you have a great imagination but cooking .... you nee to be more careful lol
4evanucks 0
LMFAOOOO....my 10 year old brother does that n has spilled stuff but neva cut himself:P
Trolliolio 6
I don't understand, why a ydi for trying to cook. Even if you're good at it, you'll end up slicing your fingers every once in a while.
CarlosDanger 12
Because it was careless. She did something stupid and suffered the consequences.
fuzzyrat1 4
sorry but maybe u should try to cut slower and gradually become faster
Incubuss 0
Why have you used to many commas? This could easily have been phrased like this: "Today, I was making myself lunch. I love cooking, and I often pretend I'm on the Food Network. I started to slice some tomatoes rapidly, which was a big mistake; I sliced my thumb open. FML."
devendra_fml 0
this could easily have been phrased as "today, i cut my finger. FML"
HeyThereGorgeous 0
That's how we talk here in New York. Ha ha just kidding! Possibly because of how s/he was raised. I had a teacher who taught us like that.
spacekid83 0
hahahahahahahaha
DillyLyn 0
I ******* moderated this
123sploosh 0
i ******* love you
Malinkrot 3
I bet you're the most badass kid in the 5th grade
DillyLyn 0
I ******* don't love you
DillyLyn 0
I'm in the 7th grade
devendra_fml 0
could have fooled me
boatkicker 5
OP, I too am a comma addict, but the one after 'often' shouldn't be there. AND FYL. Hate cutting myself while cooking.
boatkicker 5
It works when you're 6 years old and don't use very complex sentences. :) Otherwise, you're right, doesn't often work.
PieterDB 1
Next time, hold your fingers verticaly with your nails on the food ;)
ensemble_coeur 0
you shouldn't try to do fancy stuff like that unless you know how. YDI.
g3rusz 6
Don't show off. Mostly not a) with a knife, b) all by yourself. YDI. If you can't do it, don't do it! If you don't know whether you can do it, most probably you can't!