Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML
Today, my boyfriend made dinner. He warned me that it was spicy, but I laughed at him and said that white guys don't know spicy. Five minutes later, I had to beg for milk, with my eyes streaming and nose pouring. Turns out I was wrong. FML
Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML
Today, since my husband has been volunteering to do more of the cooking, I was happy and relieved to have help, until every meal he made had an ungodly amount of spices in it. I overheard him on the phone, saying he’s been purposely making my food inedibly hot so that I’ll eat less and lose weight. FML
Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML
Today, I was going to surprise my partner with a romantic dinner, but when I got home I realized I had forgotten the main ingredient: the food. FML
Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML
Today, I embarrassed myself and my husband at the wedding of one of his rich cousins by trying caviar for the first time, finding it unbearably disgusting, choking, spitting it out all over the table, and downing three glasses of water to stop myself coughing. Now they think I’m common as muck. FML
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Top comments
UnluckyLatina 22
Yup, that would be tough to swallow
Ashamed_Sister 60
You've got a funny man child.
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Comments (70)
GhostFox 34
Puns. People either love them or hate them, and always seem to wind up romantically involved with someone who has the opposite opinion on them.
SecundusSecunda 27
Does he also think mayonnaise is an instrument?
MrBlackledge 12
He's a keeper
lurker_no_more 13
You should've replied "well, then neither can I" ^^
prettygurl89 16
Well, that is pretty funny lol
plan_Z 14
Embrace the man child. If he was nothing but serious then you would be bored. Let him act a child after all women have a tendency to be irrational and claim some random crap, at least with guys it just a bit of childish fun. Relax op & be grateful he not some uptight dick who takes things seriously
plan_Z 14
Love to know why me saying embrace his inner man-child got moderated. Must be because I didn't scream divorce him!!
Schmavid64 13
At least you know that he's going to have the best dad jokes down the line. Hopefully a little cleaner for the kids but still funny.
DragonFire13 2
Well it's funny... If you're 12. But no one's perfect :)
ebolson1019 12
It's "cu-min" you uncultured swine
itwasntme14 19
Thanks for pointing that out the rest of us weren't sure how to pronounce it.
ksks1234 33
Wow! You really take your cumin seriously.
PegLegRacing 34
You sound like a real stick in the mud and your husband sounds like someone I want to hang out with.