Today, I found out that my brother buys audiobooks only to play them on "mute" so that he can tell everyone that he read them later and flaunt the proof. The rest of my family think he is a genius for reading War and Peace in two days and won't listen to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML
Today, my brother inherited a book from our grandmother that, in his ignorance, he donated to a charity shop because he’s “not a big reader”. I raced to buy it back, but someone had already bought it. The book in question: a mint condition, 1954 first edition Lord of the Rings, valued at £5000. FML
Today, I found out my mother only uses two settings for volume on her laptop: maximum volume or completely quiet. She'll play it over whatever other people are doing, and then get mad when they tell her to turn it down. FML
Today, I tried to impress coworkers by saying I “don’t really watch TV” because I mostly read books. Unfortunately, someone immediately asked what I’d been reading lately, and the only honest answer was celebrity memoirs and conspiracy theory forum posts online at 2 a.m. FML
Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML
Today, after meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, I found out that he, his sister, and their father enjoy talking loudly over the person who is currently talking, because what anyone else says is not worth listening to. FML
Today, my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she "only reads good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Gray and the Twilight saga. FML
Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML
Today, a friend told me that when I read, I make all the expressions the characters in the book are making. Apparently, I have been doing this since I was a kid, and no one ever told me. FML
Today, I was in Barnes & Noble and some asshole was walking around with his phone on speaker to hear the baseball game. That asshole was my husband. FML
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Top comments
Inkoseh 33
Why not just ask him a question of a huge plot point? Even better, talk about it and say something wrong. If he agrees, point out you were lying and it really said something else. He's missing out on wonderful literature. Make him regret it!
Tarah_rox 12
Oh well OP! It will show through in his work the little knowledge he has of the book. Karma, his fault.
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Comments (36)
Mysterious_one 26
why are you bitching about it ? are jealous that everybody thinks he is a genius and you're not ? then just read a book .. try to look smart
mysteryman98 6
Even if you "read" an audio book and actually listen you're not really a genius cause a lot of people will do that for background noise and zone out a lot of the time. You miss out either way with an audio book unless you follow the text and pause it when you're confused you're not gunna gain as much knowledge as you would from reading it. Your family sounds pretty dumb for thinking he's a genius when he uses audiobooks.
kirkaygri 18
I love audiobooks. They allow me to "read" when I'm going monotonous tasks like dishes or laundry or mowing because I don't have to focus much on the task, I can focus on the book. I'm always reading three books at once, one physical book for leisure reading, one ebook for on the go reading and an audio book for task reading. It works well for me.
Coolercatthanyou 6
This is the second dumbest thing to come out of Britain in days!
chicagossirish 7
read a random part of the book then ask him about when your parents are there make sure it's not a part he can get from spark notes or Wikipedia
Nathan_R 10
Audio books don't count as reading anyway, they require literally no effort.
Hippohighasakite 21
Hey he's the one draining his wallet for no reason.
C8H18 33
Why don't I have the YDI option? You defiantly do, by the way, for getting bent out of shape about something that has nothing to do with you.
TheLadyOpal 30
Incidentally, mixing up two completely different words like "defiantly" and "definitely" is a great way to get some people bent out of shape.
edmunson 22
Yeah, tried to read it the way it was written three times before it pissed me off!
kikzermeizer 7
Lol that's pretty funny. Whatever op, it'll catch up to him eventually
behappyitsover 11
Record him doing it and zoom in on the mute button
Apparentlyacunt 18
Why do they think he is a genius for playing a recording over two days anyway? If he actually read it that quick, fair enough. But listening to an audiobook requires no brain power and the length of a recording doesn't correlate with the listeners intelligence.