Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "You know, I'm looking RIGHT at you." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML
Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML
Today, I was masturbating, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure. It was my neighbor staring at me through the window with a total look of disgust. I moved in this weekend and hadn't yet introduced myself to her. FML
Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML
Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed my boobs against the glass to make him laugh. I didn't see his dad standing just behind him at first, but he certainly saw me. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked through the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML
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Top comments
instrumentals 0
holy crap CLOSE THE DOOR.
dantheman931 0
YDI for not closing the door. On the other hand, FYL for having a stepdad who would stare at you while you're masturbating instead of, I dunno, walking away.
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Comments (310)
lolwut_fail 0
I may be the only one thinking this... but why would you be jacking off alone in the dark? Usually some kind of "stimulus" is involved. i.e. ****. And then you continue jacking off when you see a random eerie figure? A tad creepy.
rightonlooser 0
you are ignorant and it shows. before you comment look at how op isa girl. next its a lot easier wheb we're thinking. noone ever said we had to watch ****. how do u think people without tv or computer would do it then? get your sh*t straight
SaturnE_fml 0
#301 - This commenter is a female as well. I think she is aware of how her anatomy works. As for "how do you think people without TV and...".Masturbation is a recent invention, and it has taken hold in all that many countries yet. Look at the dangerously over-populated countries, no TV., they ********** with other people instead of with their hands.
rightonlooser 0
were talking about guys masturbating. not girls.
withfire 0
Rule #1 of touching yourself: close the door. Rule #2 of touching yourself: lock the door. If you neglect rules #1 and #2, you forfeit the right to post on FML about any embarrassing stories that follow due to your stupidity.
fbirem 2
You sound like the guy from "Silence of the Lambs"
frootloop25 0
This is sooo funny. Deff something you'd see on TV. Haha.
phlegethon 0
hahahahaha sucka!
amknmaz 0
you're simply an idiot.
i_am_tiff_21 0
close the door next time
i_am_tiff_21 0
close the door next time
sheldon2121 0
if it was a guy and the step dad liked it then he would have said anything, he would have just let him continue
had_a_bad_day 0
What a strange household