Today, I had the closing shift at work in a café and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee, she grabbed my arm and said, "I think that man is masturbating" and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was at Starbucks writing a paper, a man came and sat next to me. He started staring at me, then I noticed his hands were down his pants. It was noticeable that he was masturbating, so I went to tell a worker. They just said, "He's a regular" and didn't do anything about it. FML
Today, I went to grab a coffee at a new café in town. While sipping my coffee, I noticed a man staring at me through the window. I thought he was browsing the menu before I looked up mid-sip to him staring at me in the eye, sucking on his finger. FML
Today, I stayed late at work. While I was getting coffee from the pantry, one of the cleaners came into the break room with her boyfriend, who then proposed marriage. I was reluctant to interfere so I kept quiet, until I clearly heard them start having sex, all while I was trapped clutching my coffee jar. FML
Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML
Today, at work, I handed an old man his drink, and our fingers accidentally brushed. He gave me a creepy wink and a smile, but I ignored it. He's now been sitting in the store for two hours watching me. Only four hours to go until I get off. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good… you left a nipple." and slowly licked it off. FML
Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breastfeeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML
Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML
Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML
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Top comments
RyeBreadBoy 0
i'm pretty sure you could've thrown him out at that point.
may_cause_fail 0
The coffee was just that good?
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Comments (133)
JessRab 0
If it ever happens again, call the cops ASAP. That's disgusting, and a crime.
smalltowngirl88 0
Uhh, why didn't you just kick him out, or, you know CALL THE COPS. Masterbating in public is indecent exposure, therefore illegal. Did we learn NOTHING from Peewee Herman?
Darkon 0
Should have given him a hand maybe you could have closed up quicker. :) In seriousness that is messed up.
dfoerra 0
Yeah, call the police! Nobody just sits there and waits for him to finish. This smells fake.
Corn_Is_Tasty 0
Well, now we know what people do at coffee shops at closing time. And what did you do while you waited for him to finish?
BaldOuting 0
agree with #12 - I would have definitely called the cops, that is so gross. and if you think you were being polite by waiting you are wrong. you are encouraging his lewd behavior.
thebeefzoosher 0
FYL
whyXD 13
Scary stuff. O.O
glass_doll83 0
so the thought of saying GET THE HELL OTU OR IM CALLING THE POLICE YOU PERV didnt cross your mind?
snavula 0
Damn, with all these masturbation FMLs and no one doing anything about it, makes me think that I could get away with public masturbation lol. Why don't people call the police? YDI on this one.. you must have enjoyed it, you got a warning and still did nothing!