Today, I had the closing shift at work in a café and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee, she grabbed my arm and said, "I think that man is masturbating" and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was at Starbucks writing a paper, a man came and sat next to me. He started staring at me, then I noticed his hands were down his pants. It was noticeable that he was masturbating, so I went to tell a worker. They just said, "He's a regular" and didn't do anything about it. FML
Today, I went to grab a coffee at a new café in town. While sipping my coffee, I noticed a man staring at me through the window. I thought he was browsing the menu before I looked up mid-sip to him staring at me in the eye, sucking on his finger. FML
Today, I stayed late at work. While I was getting coffee from the pantry, one of the cleaners came into the break room with her boyfriend, who then proposed marriage. I was reluctant to interfere so I kept quiet, until I clearly heard them start having sex, all while I was trapped clutching my coffee jar. FML
Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML
Today, at work, I handed an old man his drink, and our fingers accidentally brushed. He gave me a creepy wink and a smile, but I ignored it. He's now been sitting in the store for two hours watching me. Only four hours to go until I get off. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good… you left a nipple." and slowly licked it off. FML
Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breastfeeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML
Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML
Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML
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Top comments
RyeBreadBoy 0
i'm pretty sure you could've thrown him out at that point.
may_cause_fail 0
The coffee was just that good?
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Comments (133)
candii_fml 0
you shudve called da cops thrown him outt and get himm booked das justt creeeeeeppyyy....
MetalLetteRaver 0
Nice pic of Katie Babyfayce, dumbass. Fake much??
missmae 0
What he was in the bathroom right? I didn't know public masturbation was illegal. Isn't it like...illegal to violate someone's privacy by bursting into a bathroom stall? Plus how ridiculous to call the cops on something that may or may not be happening...
biloxi_girl 22
Public ************ is very illegal. Had the OP called the cops and he was arrested, he would have done jail time and would have to register as a sex offender. He wasn't in the bathroom OP says there were two people left sitting in the shop.
darkblue_13 0
that's super creepy, i don't understand why you wouldn't call the cops
cattoe7 0
ew gross call the cops if that happens again
ithedarkknight 0
what i want to know is when he finish masturbating and busted a nutt who cleaned up the semen????
hahaha6 0
#33- Read the FML. How would the lady see him masturbating if her were in the mens bathroom? And yes, public masturbation IS illegal because that would mean that you are exposing yourself. Also, yes you would investigate first before calling, I would hope the OP would be smart enough to do that but then again, this is the FML website...
Chubtubdaplaya 0
You didn't tell him to stop, or offer to help him out?? YDI! :P
420bliss 0
ewww. you did not have to wait for him to finish before closing. a cafe closes at a certain time and you should have yelled across the room "WE'RE CLOSED, NOW GET THE HELL OUT!"
GravyIsYummy 0
Does ANYONE know how to dial 9-1-1 these days?
Ilovelife07 0
^^^ shorty fire burnin' on the dance floor? ^^^