Today, my brother asked me what I want for my birthday, so I said that we could just hang out. He told me I should ask for something more realistic, like a gift card. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML
Today, my older brother said that if he beat me in a game of NBA 2k17, he would get to keep my PS4. I beat him so badly that he got angry and destroyed my PlayStation. FML
Today, I wanted to use my gift card for a liquor store. I went to pay the cashier, who said he needed to see my license. I gave it to him, along with my gift card. After paying, he asked me if I wanted him to cut it up, since the card was now worthless. I said yes. He cut up the wrong card. FML
Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to on a dating site was actually my brother trolling me for fun. FML
Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. She decided that her "gift to herself" would be to leave the loser who has been holding her back for two years. Hello, my name is Ben, and I'm that loser. FML
Today, an elderly man had to give me money to pay for my grocery bill because my sister broke down crying in the store as I didn't have enough money to pay for both her milkshake and cookies. She's 19. FML
Today, I got a gym membership for Christmas, from 3 different people. I think my family's trying to tell me something. FML
Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML
Today, I found out the guy that my girlfriend introduced as her brother was actually her boyfriend. I also paid for him to come out with us to the movies several times. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ragnarok1540 39
Wow, that's a pretty douchey move on your brother's part. I know time is valuable, but if you can't spend a little time with your family members for special occasions such as birthdays ... I hope that he has a legitimate excuse such as a work commitment. Hopefully you can spend the day with people who appreciate you. Happy Birthday, OP!
CheekyRaccoon 27
I don't want to eat the devil's avocado, but maybe because he's really busy and isn't able to do so? Even if so, he should find some time at a later date to hang out. Hope you have a nice birthday though OP!! c:
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (25)
Idiotskillme 20
If I were him I'd rather hang out than spend the money, but I guess it's too much effort not to spend money for him. Hopefully you can reason with him and he'll change his attitude, and happy birthday!
ragnarok1540 39
Wow, that's a pretty douchey move on your brother's part. I know time is valuable, but if you can't spend a little time with your family members for special occasions such as birthdays ... I hope that he has a legitimate excuse such as a work commitment. Hopefully you can spend the day with people who appreciate you. Happy Birthday, OP!
CheekyRaccoon 27
I don't want to eat the devil's avocado, but maybe because he's really busy and isn't able to do so? Even if so, he should find some time at a later date to hang out. Hope you have a nice birthday though OP!! c:
Feklfekl2222 32
I'll be honest, I have no useful input about the FML itself. I just wanted to express my love for the phrase 'eat the Devils avocado', thanks for introducing me to it!
Dale_shackleford 13
I'll also add that it's not unlikely that the brother would feel bad if he didn't buy OP a material gift and what he meant to say didn't come out so well.
CheekyRaccoon 27
I'm glad you like it. Wordplay is fun, anyone who says otherwise needs to loosen up.
brezzyanna 17
Random fact: avocation means lawyer in french, or advocate, but it also means avocado. Therefore, translating devils advocate and devils avocado would be the same thing.
corporatescoundr 25
Sounds like my little brother. But he's actually just a smart ass who lives five hours away. Hopefully it's just a joke and you're pleasantly surprised on your birthday OP
alaen 17
You shouldn't have to put up with that, maybe next year ask for him to a caring person. Put him in his place.
Attacksloth 33
Am I the only one who isn't interpreting the brother's actions as being necessarily negative? When someone wants to buy you a gift, they want to... BUY... YOU... a GIFT. With most families, hanging out with family is implied. Maybe the brother was frustrated because he obviously meant suggestions for material things. I know I dislike being told things like "oh, don't buy me anything."
Sunflora219 26
I guess, your brother's time is more expensive. But, Still. It's your Birthday, op! I hope you spend this valuable day having fun!
Sunflora219 26
Because as you get older, you learn of the "no return" policy we all hate...
aliciousness116 16
That's just mean, I mean the way he said it. It's understandable if he had other important plans but to ditch your family like that is not right. Anyway, Happy Birthday OP!
Rainyknights22 16
That's a brother for you.
jake131000 21
I think he meant like if he didn't get you anything even though you asked... You'd still be upset. So he wanted to get you a gift card and hang out with you.