Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. I have no idea what happened the night before, except for the fact that I'd tucked two uncapped vodka bottles into bed beside me, and now my room reeks of a Russian sorority house. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML
Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Today, my friend dared me to break a liquor bottle on my head. I slammed it into my head so hard I got dizzy, then did it a SECOND time and knocked myself out so hard that I pissed and shat myself. My head hurts really badly. FML
Today, I feel hung over. Don’t feel up to anything except slouching on the sofa, nursing my headache. Must have been one hell of a party, lots of booze, right? Actually, all I did was go to bed at 11:30 last night, instead of my usual 8:30. FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover and a pounding headache and tried to take an ibuprofen with a glass of water. I missed my mouth and threw the pill directly into my eye. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover. I had a party last night. Besides a stolen TV, someone seemingly decided to take a dump in my piano. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mpsteve137 15
Haha sounds like you were russian to hide those bottles.
charmanderCHAR 5
In Soviet Russia, shit loses YOU!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (83)
Xalandra 17
Gee, maybe next time you'll listen when those alcohol commercials say "Enjoy Responsibly"
KeyboardWarrior 10
Yeah, like the people in the commercials, with 50,000 girls in bikinis sliding down water slides and you and 4 friends relaxing in a car. With booze. Budweiser Light. Enjoy responsibly.
dragonstrike94 8
^ isn't that what happens when you drink or is it just me?
Kartor 6
Is it reeks or wreaks?
DocBastard 40
Reek (verb): to have an awful odor. Dude, your pits ******* reek! Spray some Febreze on that shit. Wreak (verb): to cause; to inflict. If you don't wash yourself, I will wreak havoc on your ass.
linkinpark98 24
Next time, you should pay attention to the bottle's writing. You may find that it says DRINK RESPONSIBLY.
False_Stupidity 42
Damn, and I thought it said "Drink Responsibility" and thought it was some kind of responsibility potion, so I drank two bottles...
jinggle 5
Lucky you.. :) ;)
thatsabiggun 11
@flockz wtf that aint true!!
KeyboardWarrior 10
The makers of FML should really allow posters to reply to other comments. It would make the site so much more easy to navigate. Oh wait.
kkjkidonthate 4
Nooooo really?
skrillybaby 0
Your life doesn't suck at all. Kudos
DustyStorm 16
Are you my sibling? LOL
ninjadinos 14
HAHA YEAH GOOD QUESTION LOLZ.
sceptic 1
There are no thorority houses in Russia... You just can't hold your liquor, stupid
coried91 28
You don't know how to spell sorority, stupid.
rcgirl2 11
It sounds like the real life Hangover except for the baby in the closet or the monkey or the naked asian dude in the trunk of your car.
arielhoee 9
5 dolla make you holla.
_Oblivion_ 12
And return Mike Tyson's tiger