Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. I have no idea what happened the night before, except for the fact that I'd tucked two uncapped vodka bottles into bed beside me, and now my room reeks of a Russian sorority house. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML
Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Today, my friend dared me to break a liquor bottle on my head. I slammed it into my head so hard I got dizzy, then did it a SECOND time and knocked myself out so hard that I pissed and shat myself. My head hurts really badly. FML
Today, I feel hung over. Don’t feel up to anything except slouching on the sofa, nursing my headache. Must have been one hell of a party, lots of booze, right? Actually, all I did was go to bed at 11:30 last night, instead of my usual 8:30. FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover and a pounding headache and tried to take an ibuprofen with a glass of water. I missed my mouth and threw the pill directly into my eye. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover. I had a party last night. Besides a stolen TV, someone seemingly decided to take a dump in my piano. FML
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Top comments
mpsteve137 15
Haha sounds like you were russian to hide those bottles.
charmanderCHAR 5
In Soviet Russia, shit loses YOU!
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Comments (83)
construction 7
Without the chicks
coldashell 23
Perhaps the two bottles were the "chicks".
TurnpikeTwister 0
At least it was Russian vodka and not McCormick's, gotta count your blessings OP
mpsteve137 15
Haha sounds like you were russian to hide those bottles.
KawiRacer69 5
i see what you did ther
gazzdogs 5
did you really?
lavitaebella_fml 0
A: "I don't understand this handwriting." B: "That's because he's Russian." A: "I don't care how fast he was writing!"
DogsPaw 16
5 what did he d... OHH HAHA that's funny! *sarcasm*
flockz 20
they say an average of 3 bottles of vodka are consumed while you sleep during your life.
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
Well flockz what about scotch because when I get severly hungover and fall asleep in a puddle of my own vomit I like to be a little classy and have a nice scotch on the rocks. You know what I mean with the little umbrella in it
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
Because that my friend is the gentlemans way to get sloppy black out drunk than take pictures of your junk and send them to your girlfriends sister and... wait never mind.
coldashell 23
They say is also the biggest liar in the land. How the hell would I magically get out of bed and drink vodka in my sleep?
False_Stupidity 42
Nothing magical about it #67, people sleep-walk, they sleep-talk, they even sleep-comment on FML, so why not sleep-drink?
JayDeLaGhetto 7
Vodka has a smell?
whatcase 16
No it has magnetic force..
construction 7
You kidding me ?
JayDeLaGhetto 7
Yea I wouldn't have asked if I was kidding
DirtyMike911 0
Number four you ******' pussy shit, swig some vodka from the bottle and you will become a hundreth of the man I am.
sicksadworld1317 30
To my current knowledge, without flavoring added, vodka has the least distinguishable scent in comparison to most, if not all, spirits. With that being said, it's still alcohol, so it's still going to reek like booze. That Effen vodka will getcha into trouble every time ;)
DirtyMike911 0
21- straight vodka smells sterile; like the stuff they use to clean wounds before fixing them up.
DirtyMike911 0
What?! Since when did they start moderating constructive criticism?!
KeannaLove 32
Sounds like you had a very interesting night lol.
DirtyMike911 0
Straight vodka is my favorite! Gotta love the taste of something so sterile.
bigAC 6
what the **** is this
KeyboardWarrior 10
FMyLife.com, where you can post your embarrassing everyday stories and have people laugh at you and tear you to shreds in the comments section. Beware though, anything on the topic of marijuana, religion, feminism or cross-dressing will start an instant war between either sides. This will consist of horrid name-calling and all the reasons why drugs are good for you. Happy FMLing!
DocBastard 40
I swear to The Mighty FML Deity, if anyone tries a stupid "In Soviet Russia" joke, I will lose my shit.
llamafish 25
Fine, I'll just go back to my cave then...
charmanderCHAR 5
In Soviet Russia, shit loses YOU!
kkjkidonthate 4
Really bro? He's like probably gonna kill you now.
ohmandapants 17
^ yeah, like totally.
Inthinewayandout 0
Oh noes! Your feelings. -__-
ninjadinos 14
Welp, we had to know that was coming!
bubbywaldo 0
Doc Bastard, that was hilarious. And Charmander, that was hilarious!
MedKits 9
Shit has now been lost.
EnterSandman_fml 20
If you had Wheaties with Stolichnaya, it would be the breakfast of champions. There's some wisdom from FPS Russia.
TuTu44 0
Hey I'm Russian
gazzdogs 5
Thank you so much for that valuable piece of information! Please tell me more!
samikitty961 8
Nope. You're American.
russianfixie 1
Ya ruskey Ee razgavarevayu pa ruskey
thenoobftw 3
Can you tell me where you live?
samikitty961 8
She lives in Florida.
samikitty961 8
And I'm guessing that she isn't from Russia either judging by the fact that she's 12 and she posted, just for the attention, "I'm Russian" even though she lives in Florida. She is probably just like most Americans who say "I'm russian" or "I'm Swedish" etc. because that's where their great-great-great grandparents were from. No. If you live in America or you're from America, then your nationality is American.
eddeeezzyy 19
50- no. You're nationality could be American and say that you're Russian (etc.) as an ethnicity.
rocklare18 7
...orrr maybe she moved to Florida from Russia
apepe78 1
And...what's your point?
swagq 0
I am also Russian.
Urbanchiller 0
I am American, but I can see Russia from my back yard.