Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. I have no idea what happened the night before, except for the fact that I'd tucked two uncapped vodka bottles into bed beside me, and now my room reeks of a Russian sorority house. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML
Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Today, my friend dared me to break a liquor bottle on my head. I slammed it into my head so hard I got dizzy, then did it a SECOND time and knocked myself out so hard that I pissed and shat myself. My head hurts really badly. FML
Today, I feel hung over. Don’t feel up to anything except slouching on the sofa, nursing my headache. Must have been one hell of a party, lots of booze, right? Actually, all I did was go to bed at 11:30 last night, instead of my usual 8:30. FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover and a pounding headache and tried to take an ibuprofen with a glass of water. I missed my mouth and threw the pill directly into my eye. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover. I had a party last night. Besides a stolen TV, someone seemingly decided to take a dump in my piano. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mpsteve137 15
Haha sounds like you were russian to hide those bottles.
charmanderCHAR 5
In Soviet Russia, shit loses YOU!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (83)
bmw535i 0
Sounds like a good time
eddeeezzyy 19
Vodka's such a strong ass drink....please drink responsibly comrades :)
strublet 0
Edward 40 Hands!!!!!
beckyismuhname 2
sounds like a good time to me
False_Stupidity 42
What's the point of a good time if you can't remember any of it though?
corleon198425 22
I don't think you understood when your doctor told you to get plenty of clear liquids
apepe78 1
WHat the hell does a "Russian Sorority House" smell like? What kind of comparison is that? Have you ever even visited Russia?
GUNN1313 3
Well at least you did not wake up in a strange city with no clue how you got their or exactly what state that city is in. That sucks not that I would know but I have heard it sucks :)
egorus 0
You are a racist asshole ?????
moneycool 5
Wow for a sec I thought u were a gurl! And I read ****** instead of tucked! So you can imagined what I thought...fml I haven't been ****** in 3 years all I think is (sex) :(
kiakia0131 23
I don't really remember last night either OP. Vodka is a wonderful thing isn't it?