Today, despite having the same parents, I'm a lawyer and my brother is a redneck. He called wanting my advice, because he tried to book a prostitute online but when she turned up, she was a Latvian mail-order bride, and he wants me to fix it with my "big city law degree." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, in a moment reminiscent of Two and a Half Men, my divorce lawyer screwed me over and gave my soon-to-be-ex-wife 90% of everything. I now need to pay a new lawyer to fix what she screwed up. And yes, she was lashing out at me because my brother had sex with her then never called her back. FML
Today, my parents want me to become a lawyer, all because our family members keep getting into feuds and court cases. I'm a successful developer, and run my own company. FML
Today, I thought my date last night went quite well, especially when she called me first thing this morning… until it turned out she wasn’t very impressed, and wanted my brother's number instead. The single, successful lawyer, who is 6 inches taller than me, who she saw on my Facebook page. FML
Today, my dad spent 30 minutes incorrectly correcting me about our legal system. He thinks he knows more than me because he's been divorced twice. I'm a lawyer. FML
Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML
Today, after a risking my life on the way to Europe and saving every penny I made as an illegal worker to send home, I found out that my brother used the money to open a small business, get pretty successful, and is going to marry my all-time love. FML
Today, I figured out that the roommate who I let move in with me on Sunday is probably a prostitute. I’m a lawyer. FML
Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML
Today, in a bar, I had to remind my brother that the bar was not open to the public, it was booked for a private party. Our family reunion in fact, so the girl he was “this close to pulling” was actually our Welsh cousin we’d never met before. He almost became a redneck stereotype. FML
Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML
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Top comments
Marcella1016 32
So like...are prostitutes and Latvian mail-order brides in the same price range? Are prostitutes that expensive or mail order brides that cheap? And after he ordered her, he had to wait forever for her to fly to him and show up at his house? Did he pay for that too? And did he have to schedule it way in advance? Was he that desperate for sex that he went to all this trouble for what presumably would’ve been like an hour with a prostitute? And again, an hour with a prostitute is the same price as a lifetime with a bride? And you’re supposed to fix it somehow because I guess the bride didn’t come with a return policy?? It’s all just...weird as **** lol
Brightside86 31
I'm fixing this by disconnecting your internet, brother.
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Comments (4)
Brightside86 31
I'm fixing this by disconnecting your internet, brother.
Jon Tessler 14
here is my legal advice brother.....marry her, you won't ever do any better, so suck it up
Marcella1016 32
So like...are prostitutes and Latvian mail-order brides in the same price range? Are prostitutes that expensive or mail order brides that cheap? And after he ordered her, he had to wait forever for her to fly to him and show up at his house? Did he pay for that too? And did he have to schedule it way in advance? Was he that desperate for sex that he went to all this trouble for what presumably would’ve been like an hour with a prostitute? And again, an hour with a prostitute is the same price as a lifetime with a bride? And you’re supposed to fix it somehow because I guess the bride didn’t come with a return policy?? It’s all just...weird as **** lol
kfchicken 31
exactly what I was thinking
It_gets_better 20
Is there a third brother that can write this as a sit-com?