Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's in a back room that wasn’t connected to the main house. I really had to pee, but neither of us wanted to go into the house, so he told me to just go outside in a cup. I ended up having diarrhea in a cup in my boyfriend's backyard. FML
Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML
Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
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Top comments
MoronsAccount1 12
I don't even have a smartass comment to make. I genuinely sympathize for your misfortune.....
Norvi 26
I get that OP was embarrassed, but wouldn't telling the bf have been a better option?
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Comments (150)
CrissyyyS2 22
That is more embarrassing. And if they found out... disgusting!
missindian 7
You poor poor thing.
CorpsmanUp88 21
im sure they neighbor didnt know what it is. got to do what you have to do :)
Caitie_kid 8
I mean I guess once it was already in her hand... I still feel like there were a couple better options that she could have chose BEFORE fishing her own feces out of the toilet.
challan 19
Take the back off the toilet and pull up the stopper. Its not brain surgery. What you did is immature and just plain gross.
YoloHobo2013 6
Most likely she hasn't had this problem before so how would she know to do that? I wouldn't go out of my way to find out how a toilet works if I didn't need to.
esines 9
But you would go out of your way to fish your own shit out of a toilet?
greenpixi 10
Yeah, maybe age hadn't Erin into the problem before. But that's when you tell three owner id the toilet that it's broken, rather than grabbing up your own shit.
rokemay 10
Proofread 81, proofread
NotoriousLES 14
#48 Apparently she did need to figure out how to work a toilet, or at least ask for help with it, and yet didn't. If anyone took their own shit out of the toilet and threw it in my bushes, I'd be pissed! I'd much rather go fix a used toilet than clean human shit and TP from my shrubberies.
ClashParody 21
@48 I think I'd go out of my way to figure out how a toilet works before I'd go out of my way to fish out my own shit.
JustStella 28
That's just nassssstttyyyy... ...and plain unnecessary.
Chumsword 8
Im impressed that you could wrap it up in TP so that the smell didn't trail through where-ever you walked... Either that or they're too afraid to talk to you after watching you walk outside for a second with a log of toilet paper. Either way, ya got balls OP.
QueenJay81 13
whats tp???
hunteryager 18
Toilet paper...
Caitie_kid 8
"Log of toilet paper" --- Awesome.
hbake 13
Just tell the neighbor you were just fertilizing the lawn.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Pooper Scooper would be the perfect nickname for you.
TheDuckofWisdom 3
You know it's pretty easy to pour a bucket of water down the toilet...
tehdarkness 21
There's gotta be a better way!!