Today, a guy on Tinder matched with me. I reached for my phone so fast, I slipped and broke my nose against the toilet, then when I tried to use the bowl as support to stand up, my hand slipped and I slammed my broken nose right back onto the toilet. Don’t think Mr Tinder is seeing me tonight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was working out with the guy I like when he spilled his water bottle. I went to clean up the spill, bashed my face into the weight bar, which broke my nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend accidentally broke my nose the day he was meeting my parents for the first time. FML
Today, my flight was delayed 3 hours so I was scrolling through my phone. Minding my own business, I was swiping through tinder and some guy behind me goes, “Ouch; hard no for that one?” And I turn around only to see the man I JUST swiped left on. FML.
Today, a Tinder guy asked me if I had a full-body picture since I only have headshots. Being ashamed of my body, I told him my rear camera was broken, so only the front-facing camera worked. He asked me if I could see my toes when I looked down. Without thinking, I looked down and said, "No." He unmatched me. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be fun to sit on my lap. In the process he landed on me so hard that he made me hit my head. Then when he turned around his elbow smacked into my nose causing it to break. FML
Today, I walked into the bar to meet my Tinder date and sat down next to him at the bar. Without looking up from his phone, his first words to me were, “Piss off fatty, I’m meeting a hot chick tonight.” I guess he didn’t recognise me with my hair done and in a nice dress. FML
Today, I was fighting to change a toilet seat when it suddenly came free and, thanks to physics, I promptly smashed myself across the bridge of my nose with the edge of it. I now have a purple nose and it's starting to spread to my eyes. I now have to explain to people over the next week or so how it happened. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML
Today, my friend set me up on a blind date, to get my mind off having been recently broken up with. The guy was perfect: tall, muscular, handsome. But while we were watching a movie, I saw him dig around in his nose, then wipe his finger on my pants. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
You know what's sexy? Desperation. And you freaking nailed it. And by "it" I mean your nose. Twice.
RichardPencil 32
Goddam! Don't be so thirsty! It's very unattractive. And if you are thirsty, don't drink out of the toilet!
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Comments (3)
RichardPencil 32
Goddam! Don't be so thirsty! It's very unattractive. And if you are thirsty, don't drink out of the toilet!
core01 30
I'm trying to visualize where you were sitting/standing in oder to bash your nose into the toilet bowl hard enough to break it - and I'm baffled
BurnInDemonFire 39
Maybe they were in the shower.
BurnInDemonFire 39
You know what's sexy? Desperation. And you freaking nailed it. And by "it" I mean your nose. Twice.