Today, I got food poisoning in the middle of the wilderness while hiking in a state park with my husband. I had to tend to nature several times before we reached our car. The only supplies I had was a bottle of water and a laminated trail map. It was part of an anniversary trip. How romantic. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a hike. About two miles into the five mile trail, my stomach started to bubble and I realized there were no bathrooms nearby. My only options were to literally shit my pants or shit in a bush. Well, I shit in the bush and had no tissue to wipe. I hate having stomach issues. FML
Today, I went on a hiking date with my significant other. Trying to be adventurous and assertive, I suggested we take a shortcut through the woods. We got hopelessly lost and ended up spending the night in a deserted ranger station. Turns out, my idea of adventure is not quite as romantic as it sounds. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went on a Snowshoeing date. I felt sick and suggested we turn back. He said I could wait in the car and continued on the date alone. He was gone for hours, while I was stuck alone in a national park with no cell reception, food, or water. FML
Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML
Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML
Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML
Today, I was stuck in a stiflingly hot port-a-potty for 30 minutes with the worst bowel issues ever due to food poisoning. To make things worse, the maintenance guy came two minutes in to drain the thing and had to wait outside till I was done, muttering angrily at me as I took the humiliating walk of shame to my car. FML
Today, I went on a hike with friends, but as I'm the worst outdoorsperson because I rarely venture outside of the city, I ended up getting lost in some woods after straying from our group. I ended up having to call 911 to be rescued. My friends will absolutely not let me live this ordeal down. FML
Today, I have a horrible hangover. My mom also decided it was a good day to go hiking. I ended up puking on the trail. FML
Today, I went on a relaxing nature hike to de-stress. I got lost for hours, encountered a bear, and had to play dead, only for the bear to steal my sandwich then sit there for hours before finally leaving. FML
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Top comments
crudeandrudeguy 29
I don't remember seeing this muddy section on the map earlier... Uh...
OysterPearls 33
Well this is how you know your husband the one: he'll still love you even after dealing with all your shit.
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Comments (25)
TheComedyAudio 29
If he's like any other guy, he'll just think it's funny and just laugh it off. Still sucks that happened tho
shitstorm28 11
that's pretty shitty op. go ahead and thumb down. I'll see myself out.
datwall 16
My parents can sympathize with you OP...my mom got food poisoning and morning sickness on their 1st day of honeymooning and my dad broke his toe on the second day... I'm sure the rest of the trip will turn out :)
Atmey 5
And blame the husband, because it wasn't his anniversary as well.
jbivens1992 17
That's terrible OP, for so many reasons and I'm so sorry to hear that. Its not even like you can make a joke out of it years from now...because that's embarrassing. Hopefully your husband handled this with compassion.
writerchic85 26
You can still make it a joke
usedletterboard 7
I'm sure he didn't mind watching anyway.
jvanevery 19
this is the most appropriate FML I have ever read I don't know what your reward will be eventually but it should be huge trust karma
freddygasman 18
what came from nature, shall return to nature............sometimes sober than expected.