Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at 6 a.m., the cops burst into our home. My husband was slammed to the ground and I had a gun pointed at me. I was naked and eight months pregnant. We had moved in the day before, they were coming to arrest the previous tenant. FML
Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML
Today, security had to break up a fist fight in the labor & delivery unit. After giving birth, my roommate was attacked by the baby daddy’s wife. However, a second man was also there and started fighting the couple. It was a total melee so I grabbed both babies and hid in the bathroom. FML
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, my wife opted for a home birth with a nurse and her mother. Her mother is such a baby-feral, men-are-bastards, hippie feminist dragon that not only did she yell at me when I tried to be in the room, she has now pushed me out of the house. I ended up sat in my car with only one shoe and no phone. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I welcomed our first son into the world. After I gave birth, he said he was going home to make sure the house was ready for baby. A few hours later, he was tagged in a Facebook photo by a mutual friend at the local bar. FML
Today, the couple downstairs decided they wanted to try a home birth. FML
Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML
Today, my longtime partner had a mental breakdown and broke into my home. After forcefully having to get him out of my house and dealing with Police all morning, my 16-year-old daughter decided to tell me that she's pregnant. She thought one hour after a break in was the right time to tell me. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
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Top comments
stife7 13
What did u think you would sound like giving birth?
jpsullivan 36
warning your neighbours would have been a much appreciated act. congratulations all the same
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Comments (109)
Mossygirl357 12
Congratulations!
kayder111 12
Look on the bright side, at least it will make an amazing story to tell the child someday
CaptainCookie 8
I hope for you and your neighbors' sakes that your labor was short.
taylolol 12
Yea because everyone who gives birth sounds like their's birds chirping in the air. What did you expect it to be like?
SkullsRules1 26
At least it will be a great story for your kid when they're older :)
countrygirl09199 13
I don't understand why people think that home births are safe there could be complications when in labour or even after labour the mother could loose too much blood and not make it to the hospital people need to smarten up or move to Canada where there's free healthcare and you can go to the doctor at no cost
sonnyrosa 32
Do you realize how ignorant you sound? First of all, not everyone can just up and move to Canada just because there's "free healthcare". Secondly, it's not free. I pay my taxes so I can use our universal healthcare system. If you do not have a provincial medical card, you do indeed have to pay when you visit the doctor. And finally, it's not your life. It's not your baby. You have no right to judge anyone else's life decisions. Congratulations on the birth of your baby OP. If you're planning on expanding the family in the future, and want a home birth, maybe give your neighbors a heads up when you're about to pop, so they don't worry for your safety. It's nice that they cared. I hope you're recovering well.
bfly81 7
Congratulations on your baby. Just be happy someone called the police, too many times domestic abuse is ignored.
star_dust_babe 12
Be happy that your neighbors were concerned! lol
sassy2085 16
Well at least your neighbours care about you enough to call the cops. Should of had the same care to let them know you are giving birth at hom?
Izabushel 65
As a midwife, I can sympathize with birth sounding like a domestic dispute at times. I am more surprised that they didn't call reporting you had some kind of barn yard animal at the house. I have found that is what birth sounds like at certain stages for some people, often for women who's epidural has been allowed to wear off so they can push. For every noisy birth there is a quiet one. One woman keep on saying after I delivered her child that she was expecting it to hurt more. I told her I could stand on her foot if she really wanted.
BrotherPhil 35
Nice to have in informed opinion on board. Thanks for posting, Lesser.