Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at 6 a.m., the cops burst into our home. My husband was slammed to the ground and I had a gun pointed at me. I was naked and eight months pregnant. We had moved in the day before, they were coming to arrest the previous tenant. FML
Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML
Today, security had to break up a fist fight in the labor & delivery unit. After giving birth, my roommate was attacked by the baby daddy’s wife. However, a second man was also there and started fighting the couple. It was a total melee so I grabbed both babies and hid in the bathroom. FML
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, my wife opted for a home birth with a nurse and her mother. Her mother is such a baby-feral, men-are-bastards, hippie feminist dragon that not only did she yell at me when I tried to be in the room, she has now pushed me out of the house. I ended up sat in my car with only one shoe and no phone. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I welcomed our first son into the world. After I gave birth, he said he was going home to make sure the house was ready for baby. A few hours later, he was tagged in a Facebook photo by a mutual friend at the local bar. FML
Today, the couple downstairs decided they wanted to try a home birth. FML
Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML
Today, my longtime partner had a mental breakdown and broke into my home. After forcefully having to get him out of my house and dealing with Police all morning, my 16-year-old daughter decided to tell me that she's pregnant. She thought one hour after a break in was the right time to tell me. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
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Top comments
stife7 13
What did u think you would sound like giving birth?
jpsullivan 36
warning your neighbours would have been a much appreciated act. congratulations all the same
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Comments (109)
rachb007 11
When I had my first kid (in the hospital) the lady in the room next to me was having twins so by comparison any screaming I did (lots) was nothing in comparison. Score one for hospital births.
Ethan5640 17
I bet the police where more than happy when they arrived that it wasn't a domestic. They were probably happy to witness the miracle of childbirth.
Gowackie 14
How in the world would you consider it a peaceful entry into the world if you were making sounds so horrifying someone would call the police
jeepers_1 21
A lot more peaceful than prying doctors and nurses.
TheInquisitor 3
^ and medical help if something is wrong. Home births are more dangerous for the mother and child and a stupid, selfish choice.
Jinxsie 27
^You're an idiot.
laden_swallow09 35
We already know what your perspective is, 46. Sit down.
Eternity49 13
You are incredibly incorrect. In a low risk pregnancy home births have been found safer.
bighood24 17
maybe you should've given your neighbors a heads up?
ihatedouchbags 17
Why in the actual **** would you give birth at home?! I mean even with a doctor present (if there was) many things could go wrong!
mikbrooke 25
because people have their own personal opinions about what they want to do and dont need others judging them for not doing what the others would do.
ElizaWy 25
Also, statistically, if you're not classified as high risk (determined by age, weight, health conditions, baby's position) it's safer to give birth at home or in a birth center. A lot of doctors in countries that aren't the United States wouldn't consider telling a client to have a baby in a hospital if everything looks good.
siggy_mcsigx 22
Hospitals aren't always so great for childbirth. There are horror stories, such as one where the baby began crowning but the nurses had to make her keep it in because the senior doctor was on his precious break and they couldn't proceed without him. You have to lie on your back and stare up and blinding lights, and a million people are looking and probing at you. Sometimes you share a room with another woman in delivery. Nevermind the cost! Of course it depends on the hospital, but some are worse than others.
stormstarcj 12
Great story to tell when the baby's older!
xKai_Axelx 12
i mean it's not like you were singing a song. it's not supposed to sound beautiful to be in pain.
docphilsman 15
go to a hospital
laden_swallow09 35
Would've been screaming bloody murder, anyway.
adam_nvx 19
what else are they supposed to think when your neighbours hear "you son of a B! look at what you did to me!!", proceeded by numerous grunts, screams, and a possible vase or two smashing as they're thrown across the room, then relative silence? I'm surprised they didn't think something worse was happening.
whatthefhumanity 7
You can't blame your neighbours for not wanting to listen to you birthing a child. They'll have enough on their plate having to listen to your baby cry every night for the next couple of years. Congratulations though?