Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML
Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML
Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML
Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML
Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML
Today, I found a banana peel on the clean floor. My 4-year-old son said that he was playing Spider-Man and trying to slip. I picked it up and while walking to the kitchen garbage can, slipped on the actual banana. I slid across the kitchen floor, fell, and bruised my tailbone. He laughed. FML
Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
Tomfish3000 0
That is absolutely disgusting. Eugh, I feel for you.
ninjaxprincess89 0
and i wouldve gotten arrested cuz that baby wouldve been slapped
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Comments (80)
forallitsworth 0
Word @ 8
loopy_fml 0
#4- you're silly. There's nothing healthy about a dead cricket that's been behind the couch for days.
quiksta 0
Why were you having an infant feed you? 'You deserved this one'
insertnameherr 11
that's what I thought....
thebaroness1984 0
As a person who works with children, I can tell you that a good rule is: NEVER let them put something in your mouth, especially without looking. It may not be clean or tasty.
Bubs_fml 0
#13: Chances are the infant was just picking up food and putting it in the babysitter's mouth, and the babysitter decided to humor her. I suppose it should have been somewhere where she couldn't grab random things off the floor, though.
musicalmandi16 0
i've actually eaten a cricket before. if you put seasoning on it, it's not so bad. seriously, it tastes like chicken and almonds.
Ldy_S_FTW 0
dude, isn't that like...good protein? I had my cousin & friend eat flies on a dare before...drunken dares are always fun haha
Sulk 0
Oh you had first hand experience of eating like some sort of aboriginal peoples. Does that mean you're now cultured?
summersong89 0
i just gagged a little. xP i think kids are adorable (most of the time anyway), but a cricket? ew. always watch what they're doing if they are feeding you. lol
pgray18 0
hahaha props for the kid!! what a prank.. sorry tho haha