Anonymous · 4 November 2021, 02:00 ·Australia

Nice try

Today, I've had a crush on a guy for a while - a friend of mine knows this. I finally decided to find out once and for all if there was any chance with him, so I drove to his house, armed with a home cooked meal and wine, only to find the very friend I confided in was at his house. It turns out they are now an item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194 You deserved it 185

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PartyPooper · 18 September 2018, 03:00 ·Netherlands

Surprise!

Today, I attended my graduation ceremony. My parents acted mysteriously and kept urging me to go home, since we had to be "on time" for something. Thinking they might have planned a surprise party, I left my friends behind. I missed my graduation because my mom wanted to watch a TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 906 You deserved it 341

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, I met my new psychologist for the first time. Expecting it to be someone I wouldn’t know, the door opens and out walks a man I hooked up with once. What makes it worse was he pissed my bed that night. I never called him back or spoke to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 827 You deserved it 341

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Anonymous · 30 July 2022, 00:00 ·Littleton, United States

Top o' the mornin' to ya

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835 You deserved it 83

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Anonymous · 12 April 2024, 20:00 ·United Kingdom

Surprise!

Today, my 58 year-old mother told me she’s having a baby. Apparently she hasn’t started menopause yet, but assumed from her age she wouldn’t get pregnant when she started seeing a man she goes to bingo with. 58 years-old. My little brother/sister is going to be 36 years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572 You deserved it 95

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Anonymous · 10 April 2024, 12:00 ·United Kingdom

Short-lived

Today, I found out I’m pregnant and got excited. We’d never discussed kids before since we’ve only been dating a year, but I was so happy… until I told him, and his face just fell. I left after he drank himself unconscious and I’m now at my mum's house FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 692

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Anonymous · 11 January 2024, 22:00 ·Germany

Who are you?

Today, I heard the cat flap so I called out, “Hello my darling!” When the noise continued but no cat appeared, I went to check and it turned out that "My darling“ was a rat that had just figured out the mechanism and was working up the courage to come in and steal my chicken feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491 You deserved it 138

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GameMeetsGame2024 · 30 June 2024, 12:00 ·Chicago, United States

Sneaked in

Today, an attractive woman was flirting with me from across a coffee shop. When I walked over and introduced myself, she served me with my divorce paperwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 You deserved it 1 063

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Worn Out · 12 November 2022, 04:00 ·United States

Sneaky sneezy

Today, I sneezed four times in succession. The problem is that I've never sneezed more than three times in a row in my life, so the fourth one came as such a shock to me that I accidentally banged my head on my desk when it occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675 You deserved it 298

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Emm · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Not the expected outcome

Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised, I punched my mom in the face when she screamed, "SURPRISE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 136 You deserved it 21 021

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Anonymous · 8 February 2023, 02:00

WhatsApp drama

Today I found out my husband was throwing a 50th surprise party for me, and no one RSVP'd because of my best friend starting arguing with everyone in a group text. This was going to be the first big party or surprise party that I'd ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048 You deserved it 116

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Shrekkk · 2 July 2019, 06:14 🌶️ Spicy

Surprise !

Today, I accidentally connected my phone to my mum's headphones while watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837 You deserved it 2 640

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You’re not Mary, I know you cheated! · 29 September 2026, 12:00 ·Rancho Cucamonga, United States

Divine intervention?

Today, we learned that my fiancée was having a cryptic pregnancy when she went to the hospital fearing food poisoning and came out with a baby. She never gained a pound or showed any symptoms at all. Even more miraculous is that we’re both women. Yeah my world is pretty much over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523 You deserved it 110

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Anon · 28 November 2023, 14:00 ·Canada

Fake news!

Today, after I tried to plan a surprise party for my friend, and a series of miscommunications and accidental reveals, it turned it into a surprise party for myself. I walked into a room filled with people shouting, "Surprise!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 404 You deserved it 214

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Le epic bacon

Today, for my birthday, instead of a cake, my friends surprised me with a castle mainly made out of bacon. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I fucking hate bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 276 You deserved it 50 725

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EmmaG123 · 28 February 2009, 05:54 ·United States

Gift ideas

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" as the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 149 You deserved it 5 138

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Anonymous · 17 September 2024, 22:00 ·Germany

Skittish

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping into his arms. He panicked, stepped aside, and I crashed into the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 You deserved it 515

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moetplease · 3 May 2012, 16:32 ·Singapore

Gammy got game

Today, my grandma moved in with us. Along with her 36-year-old boyfriend that none of us knew about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 788 You deserved it 3 821

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Anonymous · 24 July 2021, 11:01

All shook up

Today, I found out that my crush had a girlfriend. The way I found it out? He hugged me from behind, calling her name and saying darling, etc. When I turned around in shock, he quickly backed away and said, "Sorry , I thought you were someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 984 You deserved it 114

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Nathan · 28 October 2024, 12:00 ·Perth, Australia

Great timing!

Today, I got back from a holiday to find that my coworkers had prepared a “Welcome Back!” surprise. I pretended to be excited, only for them to awkwardly whisper that it was intended for another coworker, who was on her way back from maternity leave the same morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450 You deserved it 153

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Niva · 17 February 2023, 18:00 ·San Jose, United States

Surprise surprise

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because his wife found out about me. And by extension, I found out about his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240 You deserved it 216

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neverbeensurprised · 14 August 2009, 05:29 ·United States

Surprised?

Today, I found out my friend has been texting my long distance boyfriend more than I do. When I confronted her about it, she confessed that it was because they had been planning a surprise appearance for me. I've never been surprised before, and I ruined my own surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 204 You deserved it 47 306

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WhatAMess · 6 November 2022, 18:00 🌶️ Spicy

What's up, bro?

Today, I walked in on my wife bouncing up and down on my brother’s lap. She proceeded to throw a tantrum, crying that it was “my fault” for coming home unannounced and ruining everything. She then stormed off into our room. My brother just sheepishly pulled his pants up and left our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 053 You deserved it 187

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Achoo · 24 September 2022, 20:00 ·United States

Startled

Today, I tried to introduce myself to the stray cat outside my house. As it turns out, this cat is very friendly. He got up and started climbing on my shoulders like a parrot, sniffing me everywhere. Then I sneezed and he fell, scratching my back and neck very badly as he did so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903 You deserved it 346

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Sally · 16 February 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Carry that weight

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping on his back for a piggyback ride. He wasn’t expecting it. We both ended up on the floor, and I owe him a new pair of glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 You deserved it 747

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Bamboozled · 3 November 2022, 06:00 ·United States

Why are we even here?

Today, my parents told me that we were going to go and see my uncle, who lives very far away. I got excited, until I realized they fucking lied so I would attend the funeral of an acquaintance of my father, whom I had never met in my life, and he only met a couple times. This is why I have trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039 You deserved it 147

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froyo · 26 February 2009, 17:01 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Hearsay

Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 511 You deserved it 4 424

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Anonymous · 26 September 2021, 10:59 🌶️ Spicy

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, my kids did not tell me the AC guy was here. I got up and went to the restroom in my bra and underwear, and the AC guy was standing in the bathroom. Our AC unit is downstairs, so both me and the AC guy were shocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108 You deserved it 222

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Gerry0 · 5 April 2025, 09:00 ·United States

Naked truth

Today, I was getting out of the shower and realized I’d forgotten to lock the bathroom lock. I heard someone coming towards the door and panicked. I hid behind the curtain and tried to stay completely still, but my dad walked in, saw me standing there like a statue, and just said, “Oh, erm, I’ll come back later.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 You deserved it 437

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Anonymous · 19 May 2025, 12:00 ·Lebanon

Big head

Today, it was my girlfriend’s birthday. I was invited to her surprise party and we got there before she arrived. When she came in, she asked the waiters where her friends were, then said, “I saw your head at the end of the restaurant.” She mentioned my head multiple times. I have a big head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410 You deserved it 127

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