Anonymous · 9 June 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Run for the hills (or anywhere)

Today, while on my usual jogging trail, a man stopped to give me some weird spreadsheet. On it was my whole schedule, with days I’d missed, what I was wearing, and how much my time was improving, along with some tips. I threw the papers and ran for my life. I’m too terrified to ever go back there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693 You deserved it 85

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Hyde Park, United States

Rude awakening

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 217 You deserved it 1 734

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Anonymous · 1 June 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Pest control

Today, I went to empty a mousetrap, only to discover that SOMETHING had eaten the dead mouse's brain and eyeballs. I reset the trap, only to find a half-dead mouse struggling to get out an hour later. My office is like its own tiny little horror movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379 You deserved it 97

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paul · 1 June 2025, 15:00 ·United States

Rough night

Today, I woke up at 6 a.m. from a nightmare in which my stalker ex was my Uber driver, but I woke up before he killed me. I fell back asleep and woke up after several more people attacked me and I fought them off with pepper spray, and found out more people were looking for me because they got 13 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294 You deserved it 96

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Anonymous · 31 May 2025, 22:00 ·Augusta, United States

Amazing idea, idiot

Today, my idiot redneck next door neighbor decided to throw an empty whipped cream spray can into a fire to watch it explode and scare half the neighborhood. That idiot redneck next door neighbor is also my 65 year-old dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456 You deserved it 94

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Anonymous · 7 May 2025, 00:00

Bad guy

Today, my father got drunk and became crazy. He just kept talking nonsense and swaying while walking. It seemed like he was going to vomit. I hate him being like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557 You deserved it 85

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Anonymous · 6 May 2025, 09:00 ·United States

Judgement Day

Today, I was walking through the grocery store with my new baby daughter, when an old woman came up to me and spat, "If you whores would keep your legs together, you wouldn't be a mom at fifteen." I'm eighteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415 You deserved it 539

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??? · 3 May 2025, 03:00 ·Denver, United States

Freak out

Today, I woke up from a nap to a weird buzzing sound in my ear. Panicked, I swatted at my ear to get rid of what I thought was a fly. Instead, I hit my phone, which was on vibrate, and it fell on the tiled floor, spinning the screen into a cracked, shattered mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377 You deserved it 320

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Anonymous · 2 May 2025, 15:00 ·United States

Open wide

Today, I had a dentist appointment and was running late. I frantically put on my shoes and rushed out of the house. When I arrived at the dentist’s office, they told me I was scheduled for a root canal, not a cleaning. I forgot to confirm the appointment. After I sat down in the chair, I tried to back out, but they were already numbing my gums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126 You deserved it 532

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Anonymous · 27 April 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Cats hate Sundays

Today, I was enjoying a rare lazy Sunday afternoon nap when I woke up to a loud thud. My cat, who had been silently plotting his next move, jumped on my chest and knocked over my glass of water. Now my entire bed is soaked, my phone is possibly ruined, and my cat is looking at me like I was the one who did something wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331 You deserved it 163

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Jack · 18 April 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Too close to him

Today, I was walking my dog in my suburban neighborhood when all of a sudden we practically jumped out of our skin (and fur) when we heard what I assumed were fireworks. Nope, someone down the street was testing their new AR-15 in their backyard. All perfectly legal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459 You deserved it 165

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nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Allen, United States

Jumpy

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 596 You deserved it 9 337

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Anonymous · 4 April 2025, 22:00 ·United States

I hate hiking now

Today, I was trying to take a cute selfie on a hiking trip. As I leaned against a boulder to get the perfect shot, a squirrel jumped out of nowhere and attacked me, probably thinking I was after its food. I dropped my phone into a creek, and my friends took a picture of me freaking out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167 You deserved it 443

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BadgerSpirit · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Spooky

Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 007 You deserved it 44 241

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Good job · 1 April 2025, 03:00 ·United States

The hunter's yowl

Today, my cat started screaming nonstop outside my bedroom. She's never done this since she was last in heat (she's 7 1/2 years old), so I was worried. I opened the door to find that she had "killed' a mouse (a fake one, formerly attached to her cat tree) and was very proud of herself. That's cute, but… really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 306 You deserved it 184

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Anonymous · 13 March 2025, 20:00 ·United Kingdom

Creepy crawly

Today, my girlfriend misplaced her Blue Baboon Tarantula (aka Bastard Biting Thing) so I told her I wasn’t setting foot in her flat again until she found it. I then proceeded to find it myself, when I put on my motorcycle helmet. I can still feel its legs on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578 You deserved it 98

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jreed509 · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

I am the passenger

Today, while riding a roller coaster, I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough, it somehow managed to survive and fall down my shirt. It crawled around and stung me a few times before the ride ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 238 You deserved it 4 167

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Anonymous · 23 February 2025, 12:00 ·United Kingdom

First time?

Today, I had such a realistic dream that I was about to be hanged by the neck until I was dead. I was dropped through the hole and I felt the noose snap my neck at the exact moment I woke up. I ended up crying in my wife’s arms for a solid five minutes. Now I’m afraid to sleep, maybe forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532 You deserved it 132

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LaurenB · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Epping, United States

Freak out

Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 860 You deserved it 5 444

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Heather · 3 February 2025, 09:00 ·United States

Scary!

Today, I was at a restaurant when I made eye contact with a baby across the room. It smiled at me, so I smiled back. The baby immediately started screaming. Everyone stared at me like I'd just threatened it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404 You deserved it 82

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Newny_Newny_Newny · 16 January 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Squatters' rights

Today, I was cleaning my garage and decided to put my motorcycle helmet on with the strap, to see if it still fits. A huge spider crawled down the inside of the helmet and I freaked out trying to get the strap off. I then tripped on my daughter’s scooter and dislocated my left pinky toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 188

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DomesticPatrol · This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff ·London, United Kingdom

Freaked out

Today, I just patrolled my entire house with a fucking hammer and flashlight because my cat stepped on a fucking creaky floorboard. It's 2 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 913 You deserved it 1 972

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Anonymous · 1 December 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Not so cute

Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125 You deserved it 462

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Definitely memorable

Today, a friend and I saw some deer outside my car. Since we were both leaving for college the next day we wanted to do something memorable so we decided to chase the deer. Turns out the deer wanted to chase us too. We ran for over five minutes screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 831 You deserved it 55 112

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DVC#3 · 27 November 2024, 03:00 ·Chilliwack, Canada

Festive spirit

Today, are you excited for Christmas? Because I'm sure not. When I was 14, my dad got hit by a car on Christmas. At 15, my dog died. When I was 16, I got not presents. When I was 17, the Christmas tree was stolen. I wonder what's next… FML

I agree, your life sucks 548 You deserved it 124

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Hightstown, United States

Freaked out

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 136 You deserved it 12 910

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Anonymous · 12 November 2024, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

There's a time and a place

Today, we are having work done and our chimney breast has a hole where a brick is missing. Well, my husband thought it would be funny to rig up some realistic spider leg things that would poke out of the hole next to my face. I had to wash the sofa cushion because I pissed myself from fright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414 You deserved it 116

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Anonymous · 3 November 2024, 09:00 ·Glasgow, United Kingdom

Podcasters need to be stopped

Today, I was listening to a true-crime podcast while taking a shower. Right as the narrator said, “And then he heard a loud bang,” my shampoo bottle fell off the ledge with a loud thud. I screamed so loudly, I apparently scared my neighbours, who banged on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191 You deserved it 352

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Jump scare

Today, I was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend. Suddenly, the killer jumped on screen. My girlfriend screamed. I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 086 You deserved it 14 049

154 comments Share

Anna · 1 November 2024, 15:00 ·Reno, United States

Keep your chill

Today, I walked into my boss’s office for a serious meeting. While I was talking, I felt something on my arm, looked down, and realized it was a giant spider crawling up my sleeve. I tried to casually shake it off without screaming, but I just ended up doing a bizarre, silent dance in front of my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399 You deserved it 97

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