Anonymous · 8 September 2023, 20:00 ·Philippines

The indoctrination in the room

Today, I'm a church girl. I grew up believing Christ is my savior and He still is, and I could not live peacefully without Him, but then I started falling in love with a girl, which is clearly written in the Bible to be wrong. I don't know what to do because all I ever want is to love this girl completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761 You deserved it 497

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Anonymous · 8 September 2023, 14:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Addiction under any name

Today, I had sex with a guy on our third date. We'd just finished having sex and he was blatantly on Tinder right next to me in bed. I literally hadn’t moved yet and he still had a wet boner, and yet he was on Tinder looking for his next hookup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721 You deserved it 391

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Why her and not me though · 8 September 2023, 06:00

Crazy stalker vibes

Today, I saw the guy I was seeing four months ago, who lives in another state, hand in hand with a girl at the mall. The same one who told me he "doesn’t do long distance." I went up to them, confronted him about it, and demanded to know why her and not me. He pretended not to know me and threatened to call security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244 You deserved it 981

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lukey101 · 7 September 2023, 22:00

Time to shine

Today, I was flattered to receive a hand-addressed letter for the first time in years. I tore it open to discover it was actually addressed to my dog. It was a vaccination reminder from his vet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566 You deserved it 146

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Great first impression · 7 September 2023, 16:00

Big announcement?

Today, I met my SO's best friend for the first time. He gave us both a big smile and hug, and congratulated us on the pregnancy. Except… I'm just overweight, not pregnant. The entire two hour drive to his house was spent with me trying to hold back tears, and a very awkward silence between them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658 You deserved it 292

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Anonymous · 7 September 2023, 10:00

The idiot

Today, you know those videos where catering staff accidentally drop the wedding cake in front of the bride, groom, and guests. Well I’m now that idiot. I’m also now in a cast on crutches because the bride kicked me in the leg with her heels so hard she snapped a bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878 You deserved it 240

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Creepmagnet · 7 September 2023, 08:00

Dingus magnet

Today, and every day I go out in public, I apparently have a sign on my back saying, “If you’re a creepy old man, please harass and stare at me.” The best part? No one my own age has ever spared me even a second look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611 You deserved it 162

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Anonymous · 7 September 2023, 06:00 ·Sao Jose do Rio Preto, Brazil

That one annoying friend

Today, I went to an old boyfriend's birthday party. An annoying friend suggested that we should try dating again. We were both with our new partners, who were standing nearby when she said that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698 You deserved it 163

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tattooed · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·Ireland

He certainly has a type

Today, my boyfriend told me one of the main reasons he started dating me was because I have the same name as his ex, whose name he has tattooed on his back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 139 You deserved it 3 861

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Tang · 6 September 2023, 10:00 🌶️ Spicy

Where did it all go wrong?

Today, my last 2 ex-girlfriends, who each left me for someone else, are either travelling the world, own multiple online shops, and both are drop dead gorgeous. I have to work a full-time job while my health deteriorates from stress, bills pile up, and having been sexless for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472 You deserved it 220

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Anonymous · 6 September 2023, 04:00

Silver linings

Today, my mom died suddenly in a car crash on holiday in Spain. My husband has been struggling not to smile like a Cheshire Cat all fucking day because 1) they hated each other and 2) mom was as rich as Croesus and I’m her only child. I want my mom back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265 You deserved it 143

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fries · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Brooklyn, United States

Creative new ways to be a shitgibbon

Today, my boyfriend announced to me he was sleeping with another girl via alphabet soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 114 You deserved it 3 928

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Cheated · 5 September 2023, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Fishy

Today, it’s my honeymoon. I waited patiently for a year and a half to have sex since I respected her “No sex before marriage” rule. However, my new wife has a new rule: “Sex is for procreation and I’m not ready to have children yet.” How much longer should I wait to make love to the one I love now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538 You deserved it 511

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Anonymous · 5 September 2023, 20:00

We need Legal Eagle on this one

Today, my girlfriend of 4 months confessed that she purposely lied and told me she was on the pill when she wasn't so she could get pregnant (she now is). All websites call tampering with birth control reproductive coercion and abuse, but ONLY when a man does it to a woman. When she does it to me, it's a romance book plotline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191 You deserved it 198

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FattieFatFat · 5 September 2023, 14:00

Body positivity week

Today, I overheard my crush and his friend talking about girls they would date. When his friend mentioned me, my crush said, “If she wasn’t fat, hell yeah.” Choking back tears at school for the rest of the day was not an easy task. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844 You deserved it 296

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birgz · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

And you may ask yourself…

Today, my roommates sent a relationship request to my one night stand with my Facebook account. She accepted, and sent me a long message confessing her love for me. I can't remember her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 349 You deserved it 21 683

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Anonymous · 4 September 2023, 22:00

Love story

Today, my girlfriend is pregnant, grumpy, bad tempered, argumentative, indecisive, violent, vicious, insulting, and dismissive. I mean, she was all those things anyway even before getting pregnant, so really nothing's changed except she has a belly now. I only stick around for the baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253 You deserved it 1 087

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burned_away · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·Canada

The only true love

Today, my boyfriend was leaving for work. From the other room I heard him call out, "See you soon beautiful." Touched, I went to give him a parting kiss. He stopped me and said, "I was talking to the cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 279 You deserved it 4 955

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Anonymous · 4 September 2023, 10:00 ·Germany

Slacker

Today, my boyfriend has a freezer full of his favorite dish, which I cooked for him, yet he is subsisting on chocolate and those pathetic ready-made sandwiches from the supermarket. Why? Thawing and heating up a meal is too much trouble when I’m not there to do it for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687 You deserved it 211

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Anonymous · 4 September 2023, 07:30

Deadbeat or denial?

Today, through my Ring doorbell I saw a pregnant woman knock on the door for my son and claim the baby was his. He just said to her, "No it’s not", then shut the door in her face. She left before I could get there. The little bastard won’t tell me her name or phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688 You deserved it 238

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braceforcarnage · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·United States

Chain of command

Today, I got broken up with. In a text message. She texted my grandma, who then had to forward said text to me. I got broken up via grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 599 You deserved it 3 241

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Anonymous · 3 September 2023, 22:00

Frying pan, meet fire

Today, I got back from an 8 month deployment but rather than being pleased to see me my wife wanted to continue the same argument we were having the day I left. I miss being shot at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967 You deserved it 146

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gymnasticscoach · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Lesson learned

Today, a kid I coach on a regular basis was talking to me about what I did outside of work. After we were done with the conversation, she told me with a straight face that I needed to get a life and get a boyfriend. She's 10. And she's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 411 You deserved it 10 108

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Anonymous · 3 September 2023, 14:00 🌶️ Spicy

Wrap it up

Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281 You deserved it 930

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Anonymous · 3 September 2023, 10:00

Got to get you out of my life

Today, I was hanging out with friends when my ex called me, but I ignored the call because I don’t want drama. About five minutes later she shows up and starts yelling at me on how I’m so worthless and useless. She left almost immediately after this, but when I went home she was talking to my fiancée. Like, WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 751 You deserved it 150

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Anonymous · 3 September 2023, 06:00

Oblivious

Today, a couple convinced me I should ask out their daughter I went to school with, because it’s "obvious" we like each other. I do have a crush on her, so I decided to bravely go for it. She didn’t just say no, it was, “Ew, no, weirdo.” All her parents could say was, “Wow, we misjudged that, our bad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 861 You deserved it 121

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Jeff Again · 3 September 2023, 00:02 ·United States

Vintage cars

Today, I thought I'd be a suave gentleman by opening the car door for my date. The handle came off in my hand, and I had to spend the next 15 minutes pretending I was doing an impromptu repair on my piece of shit car, when I had no idea what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594 You deserved it 224

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robbed · 2 September 2023, 22:00

Fresh start, sort of…

Today, my ex-girlfriend from high school has been at her new college for a week. She broke up with me because she wanted to meet new people and leave high school behind her. That was understandable… until my best friend showed me texts from her trying to arrange to hook up with him when she’s back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766 You deserved it 111

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Cute but clumsy

Today, my boyfriend decided to be romantic and literally sweep me off my feet… directly into a door frame. Now my face is bruised, and the police officer at my school has asked me if I need to make a report about anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 975 You deserved it 2 522

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Anonymous · 2 September 2023, 16:00

Outclassed

Today, I had a gym date with a girl from Tinder. As soon as I saw her loading up the 45s, I knew I was in trouble. She could squat and leg-press over 100 lbs more than me on both. Somehow she let me come over that night anyway. I challenged her to a wrestling match to try and gain back my pride, then she made me tap out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136 You deserved it 1 496

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