Fire

Cook out

By Anonymous - 28/01/2023 12:30

Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 478

The dress is lit

By Laura - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw a small child take a really bad fall off his scooter, so I got rid of my cigarette and ran to help him. I asked him if he was alright, or if I could walk him to his house. He replied "I'm okay, but your dress is on fire." It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 750

You deserved it 17 708

Twisted firestarter

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 487

You deserved it 5 886

Cooked

By Un1ucky - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 312

You deserved it 7 542

Bye Bye

By Anonymous - 29/12/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - South Shields

Today, it was my two-week anniversary of starting my new job, after over a year of unemployment due to Covid. It was great, I was getting on with people, and it actually felt like a career where my skillset was valued and I was appreciated by the management. I showed up to work this morning to find it had burned down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 127

No smoke, no fire

By justme - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 073

You deserved it 5 298

Great tip, thanks

By Anonymous - 11/07/2013 07:10 - United States - Cedar Crest

Today, my therapist told me to write any negative thoughts that I had on a piece of paper and then set fire to it. When I lit it in the trash can, huge flames broke out and I had to throw the trash can out my window to keep from setting my house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 421

You deserved it 41 017

The little alarm that cried wolf

By Nice smoke alarm - 06/09/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, my smoke alarm has a tendency to give false alarms. Despite this, it did not go off at all when I was genuinely overcooking food and smoke was everywhere in the house, except for the room I was in. My smoke detector is plotting against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 128

Teddy

By Anonymous - 03/06/2021 08:01

Today, I thought babysitting my nephew would be easy. WRONG. He put his wet teddy on the space heater to dry, and caused a fire. While I was putting the fire out, he decided to wash his burnt teddy in the sink, which blocked the plug and flooded my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 282

By zuzu - 01/05/2019 14:00

Today, as I was making biscuits my mom joked, "Don't burn the house down." I told her "Don't worry, I know how to make biscuits." The oven caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 666

Where's all the hot dudes?

By sad - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after the firetruck and EMS came to my house for an emergency, I realized that not all firefighters looked like the ones in my calendar. This depressed me more than the emergency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 009

You deserved it 44 240

Hard times

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 06:00 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, after 3 days of insomnia, I was able to finally fall asleep, just for there to be a fire in the apartment building about 15 minutes later. My mom called me selfish for waking her up in the middle of the night to ask if I could stay with her, and told me I better not rent a hotel room with the money I owe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 121

You shitgibbon!

By Turkeyfryboy - 24/11/2022 12:00

Today, I learned to never put a just-bought-about-an-hour-ago-from-the-grocery-store frozen solid turkey in the turkey frying pot. My job’s banquet hall was burnt to a crisp and the fire department came. The Thanksgiving potluck was ruined. Oh, and I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 1 624

Doofus

By Coykoi - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 936

You deserved it 10 444

Fire hasard

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 18:23 - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 660

You deserved it 3 074

Bye bye

By ThatTrafficCone - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch and on fire. It was two miles away from where I parked it about three hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 534

You deserved it 2 398

I've not been arrested, I swear!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 08:01

Today, police knocked on my door in middle of the night. They said there was a fire in one of the houses in our street, so they were evacuating houses. They wouldn’t let me go back and get dressed. As I was only in my underwear, they told me I could wait in their car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 98

It's not a prank, bro!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at volleyball tryouts when I accidentally spiked the ball into the fire alarm. The fire fighters did not look happy when they found out what had happened. So much for being on the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 945

You deserved it 3 829

Cooking with Anon

By Anon - 08/11/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, after meaning to do so for a while, I began cleaning my oven. I sprayed it with the foam cleaner stuff, closed the oven for the foam to soak in, then forgot about the whole thing. Later, I preheated the oven for a pizza and triggered a smoke alarm, which brought the fire department to my door. No pizza, just shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 633

Easily distracted

By Jeanine - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 392

You deserved it 5 840

Like a house on fire

By PerturbedStudent - 09/12/2015 23:42 - United States - Keller

Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 671

You deserved it 1 661

Incinerate

By Laurence - 07/11/2024 09:00 - United States - Memphis

Today, while cooking dinner, I managed to set my oven mitt on fire. In my panic, I tried to throw it in the sink, but it landed on a stack of t-shirts, which were lying on the counter. Both the mitt and my favorite Sonic Youth t-shirt now have matching burn holes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 435

You, your sex is on fire

By Anonymous - 26/08/2022 18:00

Today, I mixed drunkenness with sensual oils, a lot of whiskey, a massage, and scented candles, which resulted in accidentally setting my husband's back hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 1 192

Singed

By Bernice - 26/01/2025 15:00 - Canada

Today, I was showing my grandson how to blow out the candles on his birthday cake. I got a little too close and set my hair on fire. The candles remained lit but my grandson was too terrified to go near them after the whole ordeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 418

By insomniac - 19/06/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I was finally going to fall asleep at a decent hour. Having insomnia, I generally get about 2 hours of sleep. Right as I'm about to fall asleep, 5 firetrucks decide to drive right in front of my house with the sirens/lights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 340

You deserved it 4 747

Keep cool

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Denver

Today, I received a phone call that started with, "Now stay calm… Your house is on fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 567

You deserved it 2 945

Burning through money

By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 13:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was told that all the data on my laptop is unrecoverable after my hard drive crashed. I have been charged £300 for them to tell me this. Feeling sorry for myself, I wrapped myself up in a blanket and turned on my fan radiator as it's so cold… and promptly set my carpet on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 840

You deserved it 3 915

Wipe out

By Rick - 24/05/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my house was set on fire, courtesy of my ex-girlfriend, who found out that I have a new girlfriend. Most of our belongings are now reduced to ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 108

Cursed

By Anonymous - 31/10/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I bought a Halloween fog machine to make my front yard look spooky. I didn’t realize it would set off my house's fire alarm when I tested it before putting it on the front porch. I ended up outside in full costume while firefighters checked my “haunted” house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 428

Making a scene

By Anonymous - 16/04/2023 18:00

Today, a guy I been seeing went to work and left me in his house. As I made a bagel, it burned, the smoke alarm went off. This activated a call to the fire department but I didn’t know. The fire truck showed up. Little did I know, the guy’s family was outside too, just to see what had happened, thinking I'd broken in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 247

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I came home after just 3 weeks of being away. It seems like my pool now has its own mini-ecosystem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 899

You deserved it 5 515

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 224

You deserved it 5 059

Today, I went to a party and the cops came to bust the party. I jumped out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrested. I broke my leg in three places and got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 319

You deserved it 203 426

Today, I couldn't help but laugh at my girlfriend because she always becomes paranoid when she's around cars. I found her reaction cute and told her that "there's nothing to worry about". A car ran over me two hours later. I'm in a hospital now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 667

You deserved it 849

Today, I was teaching my one year-old some new words. He pointed to the picture of a pig and said, "Mama". Guess I better start that diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 344

Today, I got locked out of a building that I work in (I work night shifts). I locked my phone, wallet, and car keys in the building. I had no way of contacting my boss or getting a ride. I had to walk home at night, almost got hit by a car full of dudes yelling slurs, and had a woman scream at me from the passenger seat of a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 223