Today, a guy who I hate commented on my Facebook profile picture that I "look like I've fallen off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." Sixty people liked this, including my boyfriend and my best friend. FML
Today, during my weekly search through my daughter’s phone, I found out she joined a number of Facebook groups I didn’t know about. They were all about surviving toxic and abusive mothers. FML
Today, my husband has a biker chick Facebook friend and this morning he posted on her page, calling her "the prettiest girl at the barn dance." She's a "friend" of mine as well, so I saw it in my feed. I asked him WTH? He got mad at me, accused me of spying on him, and now won't speak to me. FML
Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom, so I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then started yelling at me on Facebook, so I logged out of Facebook. She then started yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, I found out my mom had a miscarriage before I was born. I had no idea about this, and the reason I found out was that she posted it on Facebook, where I'm friends with her. She feels fine posting about this to complete strangers but not talking to me about it? FML
Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how "gays" are destroying the "sanctity of marriage." I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML
Today, I typed out "I WANT LEMONS" as a joke on Facebook. (For those who don't know, lemons are another word for raunchy, steamy fanfictions). My grandma saw the post, then gave me a whole bag of actual lemons. If she knew that I meant "sexy fanfiction", she would have a heart attack. FML
Today, I don’t know what’s worse, a hacker posting that I have cancer to my Facebook page, or that over 12 hours later not one of my family or friends rang or messaged to ask if it was true or not, except a distant auntie who liked the post 12 seconds after it was posted. FML
Today, I was contacted from the great beyond by my mother on Facebook. So were most of my family. This occurred within 60 minutes of her passing. Scammers act fast and can even claim that six sons all posting about the death and reporting the account is a lie. FML
Today, my mother commented "Loser" on my Facebook profile picture. She got 41 likes. FML
Today, I found out that the friend I stayed up with for nights on end, talking out of depression and suicide, has "politely" posted up on Facebook that he secretly hates me. FML
Today, my mom wished her best friend a Happy Birthday on Facebook. Her best friend died this year. Oh, did I mention that it’s also my birthday? FML
Today, my family made a fake boyfriend for me on Facebook, since it's been so long since I had one. I accepted the relationship request to try and trick people into thinking I actually had a boyfriend. FML
Today, I set my relationship status to taken with a fake profile just for kicks. A literal minute later, an acquaintance commented proof that I stole the image from Google. I can't tell if I was busted so quickly because I'm a bad liar, or that people find it impossible to believe that I could get a girlfriend. FML
Today, my Facebook was hacked. The hacker messaged all my online friends, explaining that "I" was overseas, had run out of money and needed help. Not one person cared enough to respond. I guess the hacker picked the wrong target. FML
Today, I saw on Facebook that my ex of 6 years got married a few days ago. We broke up a year and a half ago because we had different plans; I wanted marriage and kids, and he wanted to “enjoy life and have fun.” Guess I’m not good enough to “enjoy life and have fun” with. FML
Today, I had to explain to my husband why a Facebook comment that says, “Such a tight body, I bet you can ride some dick real good!” towards a female friend of his is inappropriate. He insists it’s a compliment and accused me of being a “misogynist” and not supporting “female body positivity.” FML
Today, to be kind, I gave away my tickets for an electronic music event I could no longer attend to a Facebook stranger. Later, they told me they were refused at the door. Turns out the pdf I'd received from the ticketing system contained some placeholder values and invalid QR data. And this happened on April 1st. FML
Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML
Today, thanks to my asshole coworker and his obsession of posting pictures and tagging me in them on Facebook after I repeatedly told him not to, my wife found out about a party we had with colleagues only. I’m seen in several photos kissing my work bestie, who I hoped I’d keep under wraps until now. FML
Today, I heard that my stepmom’s mother passed away… via a public Facebook post made by my dad. FML
Today, I posted on Facebook that I got the Princess Peach Happy Meal toy and I was super ecstatic. A friend of mine commented, “This shit is why you’re 32 and still single as fuck. Get a boyfriend and go start a family.” Her comment got 38 likes. I threw my laptop across the room and burst into tears. FML
Today, I watched my mother's heart break. She found out, my siblings (20F and 18M), who've ignored her for years, have been adopted by our stepmother. She received said news the same way we found out my younger brother enlisted, and from the only place we get pics of him and my sister: her abusive ex-husband's Facebook page. FML
Today, some person I don't even know called me a scammer on my Facebook, and my mutual friends, who know my actual "GPS coordinates" blocked me before bothering to hear my side. FML
Today, the guy who owes me $300 put a meme on Facebook that said, “In 2023, I’m gonna move on from the past, so if I owe you money, sorry but I’ve moved on.” FML
Today, I saw a picture of my creepy uncle and me on Facebook, which he had captioned "Me and my woman," and posted several lewd comments on. I guess he forgot I'm his friend on Facebook. FML
Today, my uncle is posting on Facebook for clout about how his mom died of COVID. She actually died of sepsis from severe Alzheimer's. He was at the hospice meeting, and his wife and daughter held her hand when she passed. She also died two years ago. FML
Today, I noticed my ex had unblocked me on Facebook. Since I still miss her and haven't been able to find love since our breakup, I sent her a friend request, thinking maybe she was leaving the door open for me, and we could reconcile. Apparently I was wrong because she promptly blocked me again. FML
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