Today, I had to explain to my husband why a Facebook comment that says, “Such a tight body, I bet you can ride some dick real good!” towards a female friend of his is inappropriate. He insists it’s a compliment and accused me of being a “misogynist” and not supporting “female body positivity.” FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband has a biker chick Facebook friend and this morning he posted on her page, calling her "the prettiest girl at the barn dance." She's a "friend" of mine as well, so I saw it in my feed. I asked him WTH? He got mad at me, accused me of spying on him, and now won't speak to me. FML
Today, I began noticing a certain female name popping up on my husband’s social media notifications,so I asked him about it. He got irrationally upset at the fact that I pronounced her name wrong, told me she’s “nobody”, then said, “I hate it when you accuse me of shit!” I didn’t even accuse him of anything. FML
Today, I saw my husband comment on a celebrity’s Instagram post that he would “eat her ass like a cupcake.” I’ve asked him to do the same to me once and he told me wasn’t into eating ass. So when I called him out on it, he replied, “Maybe if you did squats and worked out that pancake butt of yours, I would.” FML
Today, my husband demanded I delete all my male friends/contacts except family members. All this because I texted one of my male friends, “Happy Birthday! Hope you have a good one.” According to him, “One thing leads to another then next thing you know you both are in bed fucking like rabbits.” FML
Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML
Today, I found that my boyfriend and his friend sends nudes of other girls to each other and then comment on them. When I confronted him, I was told that I was wrong for being upset "because this is just what men do". FML
Today, my husband threw a bitch-fit and made passive aggressive remarks throughout the entire day. What did I do? Call him out on commenting an eggplant, peach, and winky face emoji under a female friend’s picture. He deactivated all social media accounts and shouted, “Are you happy now? I can’t talk to anyone now!” FML
Today, my husband threw an epic tantrum about how “men are allowed to have female friends”, smashed stuff in the living room, for him to storm out and slam the door, making the house tremble. All I did was tell him that his friendship with his secretary made me uncomfortable. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a fight about his pervert friend who regularly shows blatant disrespect for our marriage, including sending me inappropriate texts. Apparently this friend should have my full trust, and apparently I am the one with the issue for not excusing his bad behavior. FML
Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML
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Top comments
Vesi 30
“I think the golden rule for men should be: if you’re a man, don’t say anything to a woman on the street (or via online profiles) that you wouldn’t want a man saying to you in prison”
dreams2383 20
your husband's an idiot or he's playing an idiot to not get in trouble by you.
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Comments (5)
Vesi 30
“I think the golden rule for men should be: if you’re a man, don’t say anything to a woman on the street (or via online profiles) that you wouldn’t want a man saying to you in prison”
DanielleinDC 34
If you wouldn't want someone saying it to your mom/sister/wife/daughter, don't say it to another woman. He wouldn't think it was "body positivity" if a male friend of OP made a comment like this about her, now would he?
dreams2383 20
your husband's an idiot or he's playing an idiot to not get in trouble by you.
RichardPencil 32
His logic is terrible. It's like saying, "Your body is so tight, I'll bet you're an excellent bowler." It makes no sense! Total non-sequitur.
Brightside86 31
Sounds like he's a lawyers fantasy and HRs nightmare.
Chiefanatic 2
Wow! That’s really not cool!