Cops

Pleased to meet you

By DB. - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents met my boyfriend's parents for the first time… while they were bailing us out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 867

You deserved it 61 981

Welcome to the neighborhood

By Anonymous - 12/06/2022 00:00

Today, the crazy bitch next door called the cops for me spying on her from my bathroom window. That window was painted shut by the previous owner, and I haven’t unsealed it yet. I had to show this to the cops to prove I have no illegal motive for pissing in my own toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 78

Get me out of here

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my psycho stepmother and I got into an argument, and she started to get physical. After calling the police, and a cop showing up at the door, he took her side because she said it was "discipline". I'm a 29 year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 019

You deserved it 5 349

Nice guy to the rescue

By Anonymous - 24/01/2022 01:59

Today, I saved a woman from being mugged, and stayed with her until the police arrived. At which point she ignored me completely, and thanked the handsome 20-something police officer for making her feel safe, like I did nothing. Ungrateful cow. Next time the mugger can have your handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 375

You deserved it 1 397

Stitched up

By Busted - 26/07/2010 12:26 - South Africa

Today, I was woken up by the police pounding on my door, saying I was under arrest for stealing road signs. My friends went drinking last night and thought it would be funny to steal seven stop signs, four bus stop signs, and two children crossing signs, then plant them on my front lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 381

You deserved it 4 895

Arrest them!

By chris - 14/06/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, I saw my bike locked outside a Starbucks down the street from my house. It was stolen about 10 days ago from my communal laundry room. There was even a cop parked across the street, but I have no proof to show that bike even belonged to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 924

You deserved it 3 873

By Steven - 14/07/2023 16:00

Today, I went for a drive to clear my head of relationship issues. That night, I got pulled over. Lost the car and my license. I texted my girlfriend, saying I was sorry; she left. Lost her too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 937

The smell of freedom

By ThatNewCarSmell - 01/10/2014 16:53 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 884

You deserved it 45 748

Bootlickers

By Starving Student - 17/05/2012 03:42 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I got a ticket for panhandling to get gas money so that I could both drive out to a job interview AND still have enough gas to pick up my dad. Apparently, these particular cops had nothing better to do than harass me for standing quietly next to a freeway entrance with a silly sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 241

You deserved it 29 097

There's a first time for anything

By OptimalPath - 27/09/2023 06:00

Today, I booked a driver's ed course to avoid 3 points on my driving licence for doing 40 in 30 zone. That day, my wife kept quarrelling in the car, I got angry at her for a second, apparently also stepping on the gas. A triumphant copper with a speed gun was right there. I haven't had a speeding ticket in 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 781

Petty officer

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got pulled over for a busted tail light. The officer gave me a warning and told me to fix it. Ten minutes later I was pulled over again for the same busted tail light by the same cop. This time he wrote me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 178

You deserved it 3 761

Close shave

By eyeamcool - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 953

You deserved it 2 774

Misplaced ACAB moment

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff

Today, I graduated from a top law school. My aunt's reaction? "I will never hang out with a cop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 833

You deserved it 2 208

Jailbird

By Donnie - 18/07/2019 06:00

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 591

You deserved it 243

Wingnut

By Anonymous - 29/06/2022 06:00

Today, my son actually tried to get out of being arrested by claiming he was “an agent” and unless they let him go, his employers “from the government” would come looking for him and there would be “consequences”. The officers eventually got their breath back from laughing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 202

Sophie's choice

By Anonymous - 07/07/2023 15:00

Today, my boyfriend started a six month jail stint. The last thing he gave me was his phone, on which I discovered $30,000 in credit card debt. Why didn’t I go after the guy who went to dental uni? FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 1 134

Panic!

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 13:29 - United States

Today, I was driving when I saw a spider hanging from the ceiling of my car. I'm terrified of spiders, so I was watching it instead the road. When I looked back at the road, I had just enough time to swerve to miss the fire hydrant but not the tree. Even the cops laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 122

You deserved it 32 264

Give it back

By psycho - 17/02/2022 04:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was on my patio trying to take photos of the amazing sunset. My phone slipped out of my hands and landed on my downstairs neighbor’s patio. When I asked for it back, they slammed the door in my face. I tried to climb over and get it myself. They called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 189

By are you kidding me - 22/07/2017 20:03

Today, I learned the venue owner and producer for the musical I'm in is under criminal investigation. What for? Three separate sexual assault incidents and putting cameras in our dressing rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 650

You deserved it 333

You can't do anything these days!

By I want a divorce! - 24/07/2024 22:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, even though I told him not to, my husband tried the old “pull a shotgun on your daughter’s date” thing. It turns out the kid’s mom is a lawyer and his uncle is a cop. Now my husband is under investigation for a hate crime, because the kid is a different race than us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 385

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 15/06/2023 10:00

Today, I caught my dad stealing my money again, after I'd warned him he was on his last chance. I threw him out, since he’s been sleeping rough on my sofa. He reported me to the authorities for "elder abuse" and showed them fresh bruises I know the conniving old bastard gave himself. I was handcuffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 97

Risky move

By Anonymous - 31/07/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I tried to impress a cute cop at a coffee shop by holding the door for her and saying, “You’re under arrest… for stealing my heart.” She deadpan replied, “That’s harassment, sir.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 851

Thanks!

By rachel - 19/02/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, my house got broken into for the third time. The nice police officer said that if I didn't want my house to keep being robbed I should, "Fix the place up so it doesn't look like a crummy vacant building." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 812

You deserved it 8 623

Crime scene

By xTRYSOFTx - 07/03/2020 03:00 - United States

Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 2 223

Beep beep!

By halfmypaycheckgone - 05/02/2013 18:59 - United States - Monroe

Today, a state trooper ticketed me after learning I was ticketed for the same offense an hour earlier, namely driving with a broken headlight. The good news is that both tickets will be dismissed if I go to court. The bad news is that I'd have to go to different courthouses at the same time of day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 025

You deserved it 4 225

By duckthehack - 28/01/2011 14:25 - Poland

Today, my 14 year old son got suspended and I had to pay for the damage after he sprayed "FUCK THE POLICE" on the back wall of his school. I'm a policeman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 005

You deserved it 8 908

One stop cop shop

By Triumvirate - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned that making an illegal U-turn right after you see a cop doing one will not stop said cop from ticketing you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 795

You deserved it 42 724

Bonkers

By Anonymous - 27/05/2024 14:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, the cops had to be called while my boyfriend and I were hanging out with some friends of ours. It all started when one of them said that he would kill himself if I didn't "just end your fucking relationship already, and date me instead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 108

Reported

By Anonymous - 06/02/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, police questioned me on behalf of my doctor, who couldn’t believe one person could use so much insulin, so he thinks I’m selling it to bodybuilders. I really do use it all myself, I use about 6 times as much as my sister who is also diabetic, and my diet is normal. I only weigh 10.5 stone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 128

Night on the tiles

By Anonymous - 07/04/2022 18:00

Today, my wife got drunk and stopped for a pee against the wheel of a parked police car, with three coppers and a dog inside it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 233

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The Top

Today, the management office of my apartment building announced it will be keeping packages in the office until you can pick them up. They also posted new hours. There will be someone in the office once a week, for two hours only. I work those two hours, every single week. No more mail for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 713

You deserved it 881

Today, I met a cute girl. She seemed really sweet and I was heartbroken to find out that she had fallen on hard times and was living in a shelter. I asked her if I could take her out to lunch. She said, "No." I can't even get a date with a homeless girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 430

You deserved it 5 264

Today, my mother came over to check on my new kitten while I was at work. She took a video of the kitten playing on my bed and climbing on my nightstand. Right on top of my vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if she noticed or not but she's certainly been showing the video around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 818

You deserved it 16 377

Today, I returned from a 5-day cruise for my senior spring break, filled with gorgeous sorority girls from all over the country. I was seasick the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 837

You deserved it 5 318

Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 198

You deserved it 6 220

Today, to treat the family, I cooked something nice in appreciation for sticking it out over the past few tough months. Unfortunately, I chose this one day to not wear my oven mitts when carrying the food to the table, spilling the food all over the carpeted floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 533

You deserved it 2 976