Anonymous · 13 September 2022, 17:00 ·Berthoud, United States

Get me out of here

Today, I had to chase after my dad through a closing garage door to stop him from driving off fuming and doing something stupid. He recently got betrayed at work and called my mom's friend her boyfriend. I'm 27, living at home, don't want kids, no girlfriend, few, if any, good friends, likely unemployable because of resume gaps and bipolar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833 You deserved it 351

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Anonymous · 13 September 2022, 14:30

Dadbods for ever

Today, I was rejected by my crush at work, because I'm "too ripped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 855 You deserved it 377

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Anonymous · 13 September 2022, 07:00

Keep it down

Today, I was woken up at 2 a.m. by my roommates throwing a party down the hall. I put some earplugs in so I could get some rest for my 8 a.m final. They worked really well, so well in fact that I didn't hear my alarm and woke up at noon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258 You deserved it 240

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Anonymous · 13 September 2022, 04:30

That's still a thing?

Today, while shopping at a grocery store, I was the winner of the '1,000,000 customer of the year' award. I was surrounded with people taking pictures and everyone looking, all while I was buying adult diapers for my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179 You deserved it 140

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Anonymous · 13 September 2022, 02:00

Jumping the gun

Today, I got my report card, and thought I did pretty well with a GPA of 3.58. My parents freaked out over the 3 B's I had, and proceeded to look up which colleges would still accept me. I just finished my first quarter as a freshman in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260 You deserved it 126

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Anonymous · 12 September 2022, 23:30

That blows

Today, it's my birthday and I was very happy. When the moment came to blow the candles, all of the decoration on the cake flew off. It had taken an hour to make and set them on the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789 You deserved it 215

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Anonymous · 12 September 2022, 21:00

Quit playing

Today, while drinking and catching up with a ex that I still love, she invited a guy over, flirted with him right in front of me, then went home with him, When I messaged her to say I found it disrespectful as fuck, she replied with sorry, she didn’t mean to hurt me, and that she misses me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540 You deserved it 1 400

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

How did it come to this?

Today, I had to say, "Put away your burrito," "That ruler is not a lightsaber," and, "Stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 731 You deserved it 5 378

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Not now · 12 September 2022, 11:00 ·United States

Hey human, I'm right here

Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692 You deserved it 348

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Anonymous · 12 September 2022, 08:30

Gaslighting

Today, I escaped an abusive relationship, only for him to manipulate my family into thinking i’m crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263 You deserved it 129

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Anonymous · 12 September 2022, 06:00

It takes two to tango

Today, my wife is blaming me for us having to abort our baby because the amnio showed it would have severe disabilities. I supported her every decision, but apparently me agreeing with her was actually me not wanting to fight harder for our baby to live, hence, it’s all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 206 You deserved it 210

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jessii · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Class of 2010

Today, in math class, I got an answer "wrong." The teacher yelled at me, then he realized that my answer was correct. Then he yelled at me for not correcting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 655 You deserved it 3 219

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Anonymous · 12 September 2022, 01:00

Cougartown

Today, my boyfriend met my mom and started acting strange. Then my dad came in and was instantly furious. Apparently, my boyfriend is the guy my mom cheated with that caused my parent's divorce. He’s 3 years younger than I am. Gross mom, just gross. Also I’m single again, damn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 179 You deserved it 222

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Anonymous · 11 September 2022, 22:30

Collect the set

Today, my ex-boyfriend is now dating my cousin, and he's stopped hanging out with me for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042 You deserved it 201

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no! · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Worcester, United States

WTC WTF?

Today, someone in my class referred to the September 11th attacks as "Nine-Elevs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 789 You deserved it 3 571

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DT_tasha · 11 September 2022, 15:00

Solid case for the defense

Today, our mom hit my brother's head hard against the wall. He was taken to the hospital with a head wound. He came home in the evening, and said that his mom told him to say that it was his sister who'd hit him with a ball. My brother had told me the story and I'd recorded it on a tape recorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205 You deserved it 147

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Anonymous · 11 September 2022, 12:30 ·Belgium

Out of the frying pan…

Today, after I'd left my former job because of burnout for another job, where they'd said handling call time wasn't important, my new employer demands to fill in every day during the week how much time I spent on each task and calls, bathroom or coffee breaks, as "waste-time", and we need to fill in how much time we "wasted" pissing or shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076 You deserved it 148

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BeLoud13 · 11 September 2022, 07:30

Adding injury to injury

Today, I took cough syrup for a miserable COVID sore throat and harsh cough. It went down the wrong tube, and now I'm coughing worse, trying to get it out of my lungs. It hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942 You deserved it 171

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Grandson · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Ontario, United States

Public freakout

Today, I watched as my grandma beat the shit out of my dad at the zoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 075 You deserved it 4 706

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harrassed · 11 September 2022, 02:30 ·Australia

Wild

Today, my housemate yelled at me because I'm "ignoring" her and it makes her feel "rejected and hated." Last week, she yelled at me for saying hello, and told me not to speak to her unless she spoke to me first, because she was "stressed out" and "can't be disturbed." I can't take her mood swings any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265 You deserved it 125

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theyrenotbitteryourebitter · 11 September 2022, 00:00 ·Point Pleasant Beach, United States

Always keep backups

Today, my dream job became open at a moment when I'm looking for a change. They require video editing experience, which I have from an old position at a place known for its uncooperative and incompetent leadership. Guess which job threw all my published work into a bottomless pit when I left? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028 You deserved it 225

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Anonymous · 10 September 2022, 21:30

Go on, give me one

Today, I’ve had it with my best friend. She is a very jealous individual, who is never happy for me. I told her I was going to be a grandma again to ANOTHER set of twins, this time paternal, and we are going to have 6 grandbabies now. She got an attitude, and said, “Well, isn’t that nice” and then insulted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972 You deserved it 329

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Anonymous · 10 September 2022, 19:00

Back to square one

Today, I found out I can't earn a bachelor’s degree towards my dream career because I have previously gone to undergrad. I only went to undergrad because my parents convinced me not to pursue my dream career the first time around. I quit a brutal job to pursue this… but at least I had a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854 You deserved it 202

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baxeh · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Stockholm, Sweden

Caturday surprise !

Today, my cat pissed all over my work clothes. They weren't even on the floor, she knocked the hanger down just so she could use them as a toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 106 You deserved it 5 076

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Ihatecorporatebs · 10 September 2022, 14:00

Welcome to the machine

Today, I found out that just because your shift ends at 6 p.m. doesn’t mean you can leave at 6 p.m. on the dot. You might get written up by your boss when he wants to discuss some projects and needs 5 minutes of your time, and you decline. Apparently, having boundaries is classed as “insubordination.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152 You deserved it 326

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Fender bender · 10 September 2022, 11:30 ·Staten Island, United States

Coming through!

Today, I was driving around a parking lot, looking for an empty spot. Someone was backing out a bit too quickly as I was about to pass by, so I honked to announce myself. The driver instead panicked and reversed into my front bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883 You deserved it 251

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how is that funny · 10 September 2022, 06:30

Never mess with CPS

Today, my idiot husband put a can of cat food in our daughter's lunchbox as a "joke". The school called CPS. Now we have to go to a hearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139 You deserved it 281

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Anon · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Impressive

Today, I messaged my sister on Facebook chat. We always start our conversations with, "HEY SLUT" or, "HEY WHORE" etc. It wasn't my sister. However, her boyfriend's mom has a great first impression of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 298 You deserved it 27 784

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Sorry, Doc · 10 September 2022, 01:30

Relaxed

Today, I was very tense as I sat in the chair for my gyno appointment, so the doctor repeatedly told me to relax, in order for her to do the routine exam. I then overcompensated and relaxed so much, I accidentally farted in her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995 You deserved it 231

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Anonymous · 9 September 2022, 23:00 ·Ottawa, Canada

Weird flex, but OK

Today, as I'm traditional, this that means I learned the bride's parents pay for wedding, the groom's parents pay for the honeymoon. My in-laws didn't pay for a honeymoon. Fine - they disappointed me, I'll disappoint them with no grandchildren. No honeymoon, no grandchildren. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365 You deserved it 2 918

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