Anonymous · 30 January 2025, 20:00 ·Atlanta, United States

Self own

Today, thinking I was pretty healthy, I signed up for a 5K run. I didn’t train at all, thinking, “How hard can it be?” Halfway through, I realized I was in way over my head. I ended up walking the rest of the race, and a 70-year-old man lapped me twice. To make it worse, my friends made a banner that said, “Congratulations on Not Dying!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 You deserved it 723

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poorbeauty · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Toronto, Canada

Snoopy

Today, my sister found and read my journal. My first entry talked about how I shaved my ass for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 734 You deserved it 2 915

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Anonymous · 30 January 2025, 15:00 ·United States

Congratulations!

Today, I spent practically an hour practicing my acceptance speech in front of the mirror after being nominated for "Employee of the Month." It turns out that they were just reading the names alphabetically, and I wasn’t even in the top five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 216

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Not even a believer · 30 January 2025, 12:00 ·Makati City, Philippines

Pure evil

Today, for the Lunar New Year, my mom ordered me to put 8 horses in a specific location in the house. I used my limited edition My Little Pony figures. She got furious, had them destroyed, and cussed me out for bringing misfortune. How? Four of them had horns, whereas "4" means "death", and the horn represents evil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415 You deserved it 218

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Anonymous · 30 January 2025, 09:00 ·Lerwick, United Kingdom

Hogs!

Today, I was awoken at 3am by hotel management to tell me they received complaints about me from every room within 30 yards of mine, including from the floors above and below me. What was my crime? Snoring loud enough to rattle windows on the other side of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377 You deserved it 313

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dammit hearing aid · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Wallingford, United States

Confused

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 132 You deserved it 22 685

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Anonymous · 30 January 2025, 03:00 ·United States

No squeaking

Today, I attempted to fix the annoying squeak my office chair has been making with WD-40. I turned it upside down, but misjudged the intensity of the spray, spraying it on my laptop keyboard. Now my “S” key is smoother than ever, but I can’t type the word “stress” without it sounding like a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 You deserved it 375

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Anonymous · 30 January 2025, 00:00 ·Ghana

Thanks Mom

Today, it was confirmed that I have ADHD and moderate OCD. My mom thinks I do it on purpose to seek attention. I'm shy, and I don't even like people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450 You deserved it 106

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Pete · 29 January 2025, 22:00 ·Perth, Australia

I'm sorry

Today, I spent 20 minutes practicing a heartfelt apology to my girlfriend for forgetting our anniversary. When I finally delivered it, she stared at me blankly and said, “Our anniversary is next week.” Now I’ve apologised for nothing, and she knows I’ll probably forget the actual date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 You deserved it 568

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Anonymous · 29 January 2025, 20:00 ·Glendale, United States

New receipe just dropped

Today, feeling ravenous and hungover, I sneakily ate my roommate’s leftover pizza. Halfway through, I realized it wasn’t pizza, it was a frozen waffle with ketchup and cheese they’d left in the box as a trap. I fell for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 You deserved it 1 113

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Gross idea

Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 247 You deserved it 3 045

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He's special · 29 January 2025, 15:00 ·United States

Needy smol bean baby

Today, my cat keeps walking into my room and screaming at me to pay attention to him. When I try to do so, he moves away. Then he yells at me from a distance. I don't wanna play this game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326 You deserved it 190

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Anonymous · 29 January 2025, 12:00 ·Lerwick, United Kingdom

Seven against one

Today, I am living a nightmare. My mother is now friends with my wife and my mother-in-law, plus my sister is now friends with my wife’s sisters. All that needs to happen now is they all get together in the same room and my life will be over; it will be a 7 on 1 massacre, and I’ll be the 1. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193 You deserved it 488

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Anonymous · 29 January 2025, 09:00 ·Denver, United States

Bootstraps

Today, I saw that Trump is cutting funding to Medicaid and freezing the portals everywhere. Medicaid covers the medicine I need to stay alive, and I can't afford it otherwise. I'm only 25, I don't want to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722 You deserved it 188

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Jeff · This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

The more you know

Today, I found out that women have another hole that they pee out of. I'm 37. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762 You deserved it 3 545

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Abe · 29 January 2025, 03:00 ·Miami, United States

Solved mysteries

Today, I found out the "mystery buzzing" in my apartment wasn’t an electrical problem. It was my landline cordless phone vibrating under the couch, which had apparently been stuck there for two days. I missed 23 calls, mostly from my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276 You deserved it 248

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Ethan · 29 January 2025, 00:00 ·London, United Kingdom

Hang in there

Today, I leaned back in my chair during a meeting to appear (and feel) more relaxed. Instead, the chair tipped over, and I went down like a tree in slow motion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153 You deserved it 473

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Anonymous · 28 January 2025, 22:00 ·New York, United States

Chubbyemu vibes

Today, it's been three months since I had a GI virus. In this time, all the tests I've done so far came out negative at the doctor's. I've changed my diet, haven't drank alcohol, nor was I a habitual drinker. The bouts of nausea and vomiting keep coming back on random days. I cannot get the right amount of nutrients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449 You deserved it 64

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Anonymous · 28 January 2025, 20:00 ·Boston, United States

I'm never talking to strangers again

Today, I attempted to compliment a stranger’s sweater by saying, "Wow, that looks cozy!" However, I said it way louder than intended, and they thought I was mocking them. I’ve never seen someone put on a jacket so fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349 You deserved it 161

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Middleboro, United States

So romantic

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by handing me a ring and saying, "Let's get this dumb shit over and done with." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 528 You deserved it 2 023

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Otala · 28 January 2025, 15:00 ·Phoenix, United States

Pianissimo!

Today, I went to an orchestra concert and everyone was sat really close together. I tried to avoid hitting people nearby, and tried to lean back to not hit anyone. My bow ended up hitting a cymbal from the percussion section and made quite a loud sound. It was during a really soft part of a song. Kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447 You deserved it 130

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Anonymous · 28 January 2025, 12:00 ·Denver, United States

Online predators exist in many forms

Today, some girl hit me up and was flirting with me over text. It turns out she was doing it for money and it’s been so long that I almost fell for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434 You deserved it 108

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Anonymous · 28 January 2025, 09:00 ·United States

Where everybody knows your name…

Today, I walked into a coffee shop where I always flirt with the cute barista who I think likes me, and confidently told her I'd have "the usual." She just stared at me blankly and said, "I have literally never seen you before in my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 You deserved it 652

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anon · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Germantown, United States

YouTubers take note

Today, I have learned a lot of "big" words from reading so much, but can actually only pronounce about half of them correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 207 You deserved it 6 935

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Fatima · 28 January 2025, 03:00 ·United States

I've changed my mind

Today, I invited a guy I'd met online once to a concert of an artist we both like. His response was, “Well, it depends. Do you weigh less than when I first met you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 535 You deserved it 157

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Gwen · 28 January 2025, 00:00 ·United States

Rise and grind

Today, I'm two days deep into a semester at a trade school, pulling doubles. I was supposed to only work 4 days a week, which would've been totally manageable. But, because the weather was total crap the first week, now I'm stuck working 80-hour weeks for the next month including those Fridays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423 You deserved it 124

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Anonymous · 27 January 2025, 22:00 ·Taytay, Philippines

Mismanagement

Today, I got written up at work for a mistake I did not even do, and that I even helped solve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531 You deserved it 79

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Stealthy

Today, while my boyfriend was sneaking out before my parents awoke, he slipped on some ice and fell on their car. The alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 430 You deserved it 30 278

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Anonymous · 27 January 2025, 15:00 ·Bainbridge, United States

Water shortage

Today, the water stopped working in our apartment. We are supposed to be moving into a new place tomorrow, so we asked the landlord if we could move in a day early. Upon arrival, we found that the water tank needs to be installed, so there's no water here either. We're now admitting defeat and checking into a hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455 You deserved it 101

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Anonymous · 27 January 2025, 12:00 ·Orange Park, United States

A rock and a hard place

Today, I’ve been having an affair with my cousin’s husband for the last 16 years. For 3-ish months, when my husband gets drunk, he accuses us of cheating & threatens to tell everyone. Sober, he remembers nothing. We are constantly worried he will tell but are too in love to end it. Both in bad marriages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116 You deserved it 2 109

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