Today, for the Lunar New Year, my mom ordered me to put 8 horses in a specific location in the house. I used my limited edition My Little Pony figures. She got furious, had them destroyed, and cussed me out for bringing misfortune. How? Four of them had horns, whereas "4" means "death", and the horn represents evil. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML
Today, what started as a fun family Easter egg hunt turned within minutes into my mother-in-law's big chance to be a dramatic cow by screaming at my 5 and 7-year-old daughters for participating in a "vile pagan ritual" and saying that we're all going to hell. They're still bawling. FML
Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML
Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML
Today, my wife and I agreed to get two horses. She got three horses and a pregnant goat. FML
Today, my mom visited, and I left her for a few minutes while I used the bathroom. While I was stuck taking a crap, she went on one of her religious rants, telling my children that Easter was off this year because their precious "pagan" Easter Bunny had been murdered. FML
Today, I realized the reason my 20-year-old daughter has been so moody and aggressive is because she missed the promotional My Little Pony toys at McDonald's. FML
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML
Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML
Today, I was at a rodeo warming up while my mom unnecessarily bragged about my training skills to a client. My horse then threw me into a gate at a full gallop, in front of everyone. That was the first time he'd ever misbehaved. FML
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Top comments
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I mean... you should have known that, right? Isn't it your culture? At the very least it sounds like it's your mom's culture, so you should have known.
FluffythePink 23
Cartoon toys are not acceptable offerings to the universe. You should know better than to disrespect your culture, history and Mother like that. And I'm bog standard, white English saying this...
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Comments (2)
FluffythePink 23
Cartoon toys are not acceptable offerings to the universe. You should know better than to disrespect your culture, history and Mother like that. And I'm bog standard, white English saying this...
tiptoppc 21
Yeah, variations of HeMan’s are more acceptable. They are the Universe’s master, afterall
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I mean... you should have known that, right? Isn't it your culture? At the very least it sounds like it's your mom's culture, so you should have known.